Congrats Aussies – you’ve just survived the hottest January on record!

Like me you’re probably either a sweaty Betty right now or have a scratchy throat from the air-con you can’t bring yourself to turn off. That is if you live in Australia.

The facts are out, thanks to the Bureau of Meteorology, and January 2019 was Australia’s hottest month since records began in 1910.

If weather doesn’t interest you then you must be younger than 40 or not my kind of person. Because who doesn’t love to bemoan the hot and cold of the world?

For those still reading, you might also be excited to learn that there was less than 20 per cent of normal rainfall for large areas of Australia. NO SHIT.

I have dried crispy noodles for a lawn and I can just see my husband’s eye twitch when I encourage my boys to shoot some hoops on our non-existent lawn.

basketball drought hot weather australia

Incredibly, the mean temperature for Jan averaged across the country was more than 30C – this is unprecedented people!

In order to survive said hot spell, I have shunned plain old water. I am now consuming wild berry sparkling water like it’s $5 wine night at the Railway Hotel in Palmerston North.

But I know I’m not alone, the supermarket shelves are almost barren in this section. I suppose we’re all sick of boring old water, especially when it’s as hot as a desert dweller’s gym shoe from dawn until dusk.

And the news isn’t great for the future, with the hot spell expected to hang around for a few more months. Maybe even until April. Somebody hold me. On second thoughts, no, you’ll just make me sweaty.

Still, it could be worse, our Prime Minister might have said something stupid (oh wait he already has) about global warming like Donald Frump did in the US.

I mean seriously, why has no one assassinated him yet? Right? I mean I know JFK was no saint and love a bit of Charlie and Charlie’s Angels, but surely Donald Frump is a worthy target?

All we can do is be grateful that we have enough power to keep cool. Oh hang on… that’s not right either.

At least we can take comfort in the fact that we’re safe from fires and flood. Erm – again – not accurate.

Australia really is a hot sweaty/wet mess right now and I suppose all we can do is look after each other. Especially those of us who have elderly neighbours.

Our power went off a wee while back and I checked on the old love next year. I nearly died of shame because I discovered she’s as sharp as a tack with amazing hearing.

This means she’s heard my kids fight like squirrels over the last nut and me bellow at them like crazy woman to ‘stop body slamming each other you little shits’.

Oh well, at least it might keep her entertained until the cricket stops boring us all to tears on ABC radio.

I’d love to know how you’re keeping cool right now?

What’s your beverage of choice to cool down at the moment?


  1. Another amusing and accurate post! I have just “celebrated “ another birthday, and find the older I get, the harder it is to deal with extremes of weather. Keep up the great work! 🙂

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