27 Lies Or Statements Every Parent Has Heard

As I struggled to verbally wrestle my 5-year-old out of the car at school this morning, two teenagers lolling around waiting for the bus got quite a show.

My crime? I had parked at the rear entrance instead of the front one for a change, because it’s a lot closer for his older siblings. Truth be told I like it too because there’s fewer helicopter prep mums to avoid.

I used the old “if you’re not out of the car in three seconds I’m going to leave you in there all day by yourself and someone might steal the car with you in it” saying.

What? Too harsh? Don’t you say that too?

He cracked it but alighted the car and within seconds was over his hissy fit. But not before telling me how much he doesn’t like me anymore.

We parents hear this a lot from cranky kids, that we are no longer their favourite and that we are the MEANEST parents ever.

Here are 27 other lies or sentences every parent has heard, or is likely to hear during their tenure as a mum or dad:

1. Muuummm, Bob pushed me in the bath. (my son’s name isn’t Bob, I’m just going to make up random names and sorry if your child is inadvertently mentioned)

2. No I did not leave that big poo in the loo, it was Harold, I ALWAYS flush.

3. Of course I brushed my teeth, here smell my breath (smells it and nearly dies of the stench)

4. Well Fred’s mum says HE can kick his footy inside.

5. Muuuuummm Mildred is playing with my fidget spinner (insert other annoying gadget).

6. It’s not my fault that you gave me too much school lunch so I didn’t have time to eat it.

7. Why can’t I sit in the front seat? Cindy’s mum lets her, you are so mean.

8. I’m so hot now, why did you make me put on this stupid jumper?

What’s for dinner? (at breakfast time)

21 Lies Or Statements Every Parent Has Heard

9. Muuuummmm Mavis is looking at me funny, make her stop.

10. He hit ME first.

11. She hit ME first.

12. Oh yuk I hate this dinner, why can’t we have (insert child’s favourite meal).

13. If I eat all my dinner can we have dessert?

14. That’s not fair, I ate all my dinner so why can’t we have ice-cream?

15. I just have two more pages to read and then I’ll turn my light off.

16. It’s not fair, Petunia’s mum let’s her have Snapchat so why can’t I get it?

17. Can I please play on your phone.

18. I. Can’t. Walk. My. Legs. Are. So. Sore. (me: then crawl)

19. Can you please carry me?

20. I’m bored.

21. Rufus is breathing on me, make him stop.

22. I was sitting here first.

23. You started it. (me: eyebrows raised, eyes boggling)

24. Be careful you’re going to clip my chin (when putting on bike helmet)

25. It was already like that.

26. Oh all riiiiggggghhhtttttt I’ll just do it then, even though it wasn’t my fault.

27. When I am a grown up I’m going to let my kids eat McDonald’s EVERY DAY!

Got any more goodies to add to this?

And what is for dinner at your place?

What have you done to annoy your child today?


  1. Hahahaha numbers 9 &15 were so me as a kid. And the rest are my boys.

  2. Told her to stop watching Netflix and do something with her messy room. (She’s 18)

  3. Danielle Milgate says:

    These are exactly what I hear everyday ???? Lol currently having the dinner argument now… it’s beef and veggie casserole on rice !! And today I became the worst mum because I didn’t drag 2 sick kids out of the house to buy Disney oushies from Coles ? Lol not to mention they already spent their pocket money and wanted me to just give them more today so they could hopefully get the one they need to complete their collection ? Haha

  4. Mavis DOES stare a lot, it’s true. Don’t get me started on Mildred! 😉

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