Mum Fesses Up To Inadequacies – A News Report

Despite all three children finally being at school, a Gold Coast mum has revealed her house is still cluttered, her waistline ever-expanding and she still hasn’t made that voluntary superannuation payment.

Speaking candidly after drop-off yesterday, the woman lamented the fact it was nearly May and she had done ‘jack shit’.

“In fairness I was working 40 hours a week up until a month ago, but despite the fact my workload has halved since then, my motivation to be a domestic goddess just hasn’t appeared,” she says.

“I used to have one of those ‘everything in its place homes’ but then kids came and I had a choose to either lose my mind or my immaculate house. Actually that’s not quite right, I pretty much lost both!

“Anyway, there are many women who can keep an immaculate house, work and have kids and oh how I admire them. But I’m not one of them. I thought I might be once I was child-free at home, but alas no.”

She says what she really wants to do all day is write that ‘bloody book I’ve been prattling on about for years’ or watch back-to-back episodes of Broadchurch or some other UK crime drama and eat her kids leftover Easter eggs.

“Maybe it’s PMS or maybe I’m born with it, but right now I look around my house and cringe. Every nook and cranny has ‘stuff’ in it.

“While it’s probably not bad enough to be on one of those hoarder shows, I would LOVE someone to come and do a complete declutter of my house.”

An ACTUAL photo of the woman’s clutter, among the chaos appears to be a baby change table.

Meanwhile, the mother has admitted she did just have 5 nights away with her husband to celebrate their 10-year wedding anniversary.

But she fell short of saying it has given her renewed vigour to give a crap about mundane household matters.

“Yes I was just swimming in the Great Barrier Reef and making a disgrace of myself at the daily breakfast buffet. But what has this got to do with my failings as a domestic goddess?”

“Just because I had a break it doesn’t mean I should return home with a thirst for housework or tidying my sons’ overstuffed drawers.”

She has not ruled out just moving to a new house to save her the weeks it’s going to take her to sort out each room of her house.

“Look, I know there is a lot of advice out there such as declutter a room a week, get some good storage baskets and shelves and use a caddy for your cleaning products,” she says.

“Fact is, this shit just does not interest me. Not even in the slightest. Does this make me a lesser mother, wife or woman? You be the judge.”



  1. Hahaha I feel ya. My kid returned to school today – did I work out, get ahead on my freelance work, catch up on the washing, declutter some more shit, bake something? N.O. No I did not.
    I have sat on my arse and watched weird stuff on my DVR and internetted.
    Maybe tomorrow…right?

  2. I love these posts so hard. 5 nights at the GBR sounds much more exciting than 5 nights of decluttering x

  3. Honey, this is me! And I have bought all the organisational books and the caddies and I’m telling you, it doesn’t work. In a house with five people all bringing new shit into the house on the daily, there is no escape. Waaaaaaaaaaah!

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