An open letter to jealous bitches

It’s come to my attention that jealous bitches are getting out of control.

Just recently two incredible women, one a dear friend of mine and another one of Australia’s most generous bloggers, have been shot down by other women.

They’ve been made to feel bad, their decisions in life have been criticised but worst of all these hurtful comments made these beautiful women question themselves.

While no one has actually said anything to my face, I’ve been hurt by a very noticeable lack of support from many women who I thought had my back.

What has led these people to be nasty, to purposely go out of their way to make someone feel bad?

Jealously – this is the emotion behind cutting comments made to my friends.

This is why certain women I know haven’t metaphorically cheered for me when I was asked to speak at 2016 ProBlogger Training Event.

Their silence has been deafening and duly noted.

Whether or not these people thought I deserved to be up on stage is besides the point, common courtesy dictates you support other women right?

Apparently not.

who-is-emily

To all women who can’t find it in themselves to be happy or supportive of others success or achievements – I say this…

1. You have no right to put shit on another person just because you’re envious of them.

2. If you don’t think they are worthy of success or being given a certain opportunity then you are mean-spirited.

3. People who are doing well aren’t lucky, they have worked their butt off to get there and have sacrificed more than you will ever know.

4. See that fit and healthy woman? She works out every day, eats well and deserves to look kick-ass so instead of cutting her down, admire her determination.

5. It’s stupid to be jealous of someone else’s success if you haven’t actually got off your butt and made an effort to make something great happen in your own life.

6. You inability to congratulate someone on an achievement shows you’re too self-obsessed and absorbed.

7. Even if it’s killing you on the inside to see someone do well while you’re struggling to get there, be better than that and tell them how much they deserve their success.

8. When you see another woman talking about her own successes, don’t call her a show off or a boast; be happy for her.

9. Before you open your mouth or type a comment out of spite or jealously, think about why you’re doing so. What good will come of it?

10. Cheer for women doing great things, don’t cut them down or pretend you didn’t see it.

But most importantly:

theres-a-special-place-in-hell-for-women-who-dont-help-each-other

While I don’t really want to know, when was the last time you were treated badly by another women?

Do you think it’s jealously or sour grapes or that people are just self obsessed?

Comments

  1. I really do think it’s jealousy, but often the perpetrator won’t see it as that. They’ll mask it as a ‘reality check’ or something. I was so pissed off to hear about those two incidents you mentioned, and as for you not getting the support you deserve, well, those ‘friends’ can eff right off. They are not friends. They are jealous bitches. You rock Em, and your session was the highlight of my PB experience :).

    • Yep you are real, they are not friends, best I found out now I suppose. Sad about those other incidents all right, so not called for. Thanks for helping me out when I was locked out of my room!!! One day I look forward to having a beer with you instead of rushing about like a fly in a fit x

  2. Hate seeing this. Makes me sad. And go you for the pb speaking gig. Looks like it went really well. I wish i could have been there.

  3. Complete jealousy for sure. Good on you for getting up there. Sash and I chatted about this exact thing on the podcast last week. Well, not about your experience but overall bitches. You’re only moving forward Em.

  4. STRONG post, Em. So strong. Thanks. There’s a saying about overnight success usually being the result of years of hard slog – some people really do only see the highlights reel and ignore the behind the scenes.
    a) I hope your friends are okay and b) You ROCKED. You rocked your presentation, and you rocked a LONG time before it, too. Hence the opportunity in the first place! Stay awesome, my friend. x

  5. Seriously??? I’m so sorry to hear about this. I sincerely hope that it hasn’t tainted the joy of your experience at Problogger. I admire the way in which you have expressed your thoughts about it in your post. Much respect to you Em (and hugs). Xx

  6. I’m so sorry your friends have been treated this way. No one deserves that. I know. This kind of bitchiness is exactly the reason I stayed home from ProBlogger this year. I even avoided following the event on social media. Though I said nothing at the time, I was so badly bullied and bitched about by other mean-spirited women last year that I ended up hiding in the bathroom suffering from crippling anxiety attacks for half of the event, and then flew home in tears. As for you Em, the best way to beat the bitches is by getting yourself out there and doing more presentations and rocking every one of them. I for one would love to hear what you have to say, but I already know you’re awesome. I just don’t know why people cant encourage, help and lift each other up instead of being spiteful and jealous.

  7. I’m sad that this keeps happening. Why can’t we be happy for our friends? I really do think it’s jealousy. I missed out on PBEvent this year but I’m sure you did an awesome job if your writing is anything to go by. 🙂

    The ‘friends’ you mention have shown their true colours and while it hurts, it’s less baggage in your life and easier to get rid of them. Big hugs!

    On a slightly different note, I wrote a post on writer envy yesterday but it was more about putting myself down than others who succeed. Because in the end, the difference is they are writing and well, I’m not!

  8. OMG – you were on stage at Problogger!!?! I’m so effing excited for you! I’m so out of the pbevent loop. YAY for you, and fuck the haters. <3

  9. I am not aware of the jealous incidents you mention but this post speaks volumes to me. Do you know what I find? People seem to be more willing to show support when you’re down. They are there for you when life is dealing you some really shit cards. But when things are fab and your ACHIEVE something in your own right, they are not so present. It’s easy to show comfort, but people find it hard to celebrate others’ successes. What is with that??? I wish I had seen your preso. Quietly hoping you may post some of your tips here 🙂
    xx

    • I hadn’t thought of it this way before – oh are so right – we as humans seem more eager to comfort than applaud! The scales are for the most part unintentionally tipped one way. What the hell is with that indeed? I’ll be checking myself more often on offering more balance. We all need a little more than a “Gee that’s great” offering. Love your thoughts.

  10. Oh my God! I can’t believe grown women can act like this. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been supported by so called friends and I’m sorry for your friends too. I think it’s a combination of all three. I have been treated like shit by a friend for years and I think it’s down to her having a mean competitive streak, being jealous and the sour grapes too. Every time I attempt to distance myself she forces her way back in. It’s exhausting and you don’t need people like that in your life. I don’t understand people like that. There’s no call for it. Your place in Problogger was well deserved, everyone knows how hard you work and how passionate you are about writing. Argh. Just so mad about this.

  11. Oh my goodness. Firstly, I was feeling all the FOMO that I couldn’t be at the event to see you speak! Amazing! You’re awesome!
    I think that jealousy is a normal emotion. I have felt it plenty of times recently (fertility stuff is hard when people are falling pregnant all over the place). But I think it’s what we do with that jealousy that says most about our character. You can congratulate the other person and realise your jealousy is yours and yours only. Or you can be a bitch about it.
    I saw this amazing video about jealousy, with Chelsea Handler. She was talking about her career. She said she once realised she was jealous, talked to someone not involved about it (we all have to vent safely sometimes), then she realised the person who got the opportunity instead of her had not taken her chance. That was the other person’s to have. It didn’t mean her turn wasn’t a possibility. That person didn’t steal anything from her. That you can’t make yourself brighter by blowing out someone else’s candle. I’m paraphrasing but if you find it, it’s worth a watch (I’d share a link but not sure if I’d end up in a spam folder haha).
    I feel a bit hypocritical because sometimes I just cannot be around some of my pregnant friends the way I used to be, but I hope that they notice that I wish them well and while I might be sad for me I am very happy for them. It’s possible to feel both feelings at the same time and I am learning to accept that.

  12. Spot on!!!!!!! I’ve never understood why some women feel the need to undermine or put down others! Why can’t we just support each other, be genuinely thrilled for others achievements and be happy that we can all kick-ass in our own ways!! Xx

  13. BOOM! *drops mic* I love it when you get your cranky pants on. Nailed it. I honestly believe there is enough success to go around, and it’s super-important to support your mates and cheer them on when their talent and hard work result in amazing opportunities.

  14. This says more about other peoples insecurities than your success. I wish I had been there to see your preso. I am not jealous of those that did, I will make it to PB one day, even if it means rolling in with a wheelie walker and boobs down to my ankles 😉

  15. People amaze me and sometimes not in a good way at all. Sometimes the adult world is just like grown up high school. You are fabulous at what you do.

  16. I’m really sorry to hear that’s been your experience Em. I don’t understand why there is this need to pull other women down- you can be successful but not too successful because then you are arrogant. We have enough of a fight on our hands dealing with a male dominant society and tryin to prove our worth there without other woman quietly delighting in others failures! Urgh! YOU ROCK don’t forget it and just because I don’t comment all the time doesn’t mean I don’t read your blog, I haven’t got time to write my own at the mo! Don’t let the sad shrivelled little haters bring you down! Just like the classic boy band 1D so elequoently put it – no body can drag me down . . Nobody nobody (etc) ????

  17. I would have been in the crowd cheering for you, if I had been able to fly up to ProBlogger…blah, to being so pregnant! I am so over people who think they can say whatever to whoever and just get away with it.

    I saw this written down today and saved it in my iphone ‘when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try and control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did’.

    I just think it sucks that there are a lot of really nice people ‘rising above it all’, when some bitches just need to be punched in the face.

  18. It makes me sad this even happens… it’s like some people just want to relive the worst parts of high school over and over again! Good on you for speaking out – the world needs people who build up not tear down.

  19. I don’t know what has happened, and perhaps it’s best that way. I’m very sad that you felt unsupported. You were awesome, I hope that you are able to continue to focus on that glow you had as you walked off stage. As for women cutting down other women, well that says far more about them, than the person they were trying to cut down. Hope you’re ok xx

  20. There were so many epic achievements at Problogger this year – you up on stage doing your thing, Amanda (Cooker and a Looker) celebrating the launch of her cookbook, Andrea (Sublime Finds) winning an Olympus prize, me not spilling a single thing down my front all weekend. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate those things?! As for successs & making dreams come true…I truly believe that there’s room for everyone & everyone gets their turn when the timing is right – how bloody fabulous that your turn is right now x

  21. So sorry to hear this has been happening to you and others.

    I loved your PBEvent session. It was my fave of the non-plenary sessions!

  22. There were so many epic achievements at Problogger this year – you doing your thing up there on stage, Amanda (Cooker and a Looker) celebrating the launch of her cookbook, Andrea (Sublime Finds) winning an Olympus prize, me not spilling a single thing down my front all weekend. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate those things?! As for success and making dreams come true – I honestly believe there’s room for everyone and everyone gets their turn when the timing is right. How bloody awesome it is that your turn is right now x

  23. Holy crap, I was SO chuffed to see you up on the stage and I loved your talk. Jealousy is a curse. I think we all feel it but it’s what we do with it that matters. Great advice from you, as always.

  24. Sorry you had a negative experience. We work so hard to keep things positive but I guess there’s so many people with so many experiences that there’s bound to be issues. Sorry it impacted you – I hope it doesn’t put too much of a downer on the event for you.

    Keep creating!

  25. Cat @ lifethroughthehaze says:

    Em

    I wish I had been there to see you present! I am certain you were amazing.

    I have been on the receiving end of some incredible nastiness at the last conference I attended and I haven’t attended another since! It was in 2011, I was sitting in a brainstorming group session about the organisation and where people wanted it to go. All these women did was sit there and tear to shreds the work I had done for the last two years. Even more frustrating was that all the things they wanted to happen, were things that we had tried to implement but had been blocked at every turn. I wasn’t in the group to defend the decisions or the work we had done but just to listen.

    What I knew then and know now was that the women did not know that the work that they were absolutely tearing to shreds with no thought at all of the person or people who had put hard work into was that I was the person that had been solely responsible. I sat there for nearly 45mins listening to it and had been in a state before that day anyone but eventually I excused myself and went to the toilet. The facilitator saw me leave the room and had been hovering around my group so was pretty aware that I wouldn’t be in a good state and got another director to follow me into the bathroom.

    There I was in the bathroom and foyer of the Sheraton ballroom having a full blown panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, I was absolutely hysterical, I thought I was having a heartattack. Another board member was instructed to take me to the bar still having a panic attack (because we had checked out of our rooms!) and I had no shoes on!!! They were under the bloody table.

    The truth is I haven’t been able to attend another conference since! I am desperate to come along to blogging events but honestly they fill me with dread.

    We all need to be aware that we never know where someone is and that regardless of whether we agree with what they have done or not there is every likelihood that the person has put their heart and soul into it.

    Great post. Support more!

  26. Although I’m not aware of any bitchiness going on I truly believe with all my heart that life is too short to be jealous or mean spirited about another person’s success. In most cases it’s been hard won and always deserves celebration. Often, said success is doubly tricky in its own right because often you have to paddle twice as hard to replicate it. There will always be critics and if their criticism is based on helpful insight then I try to take it stoicly and act on it accordingly. The rest? Close your ears to the malevolent whispers and keep on paddling down your own river. Life isn’t a race to be won so don’t let others stop you enjoying the scenery. Here’s to your next success! ????????

  27. Hello, not at all happy to read this…. bitching is banned. Am v much looking forward to listening to the audio from Problogger as I know I will learn stuff and still get some insp even though I wasn’t there.
    It’s insecurity and lack of self esteem that makes people criticise each others. It’s very immature… best to let it fly off into the ether.

    I need a tutorial on managing freelancers as I’ve just started getting some posts written for HSK and I’m losing track of what’s in, where the pix are and who I have paid (a wee bit but you’ve gotta start somewhere.)

    I don’t think I’ve had a woman be unkind to me personally recently… ummmm… no a tricky friend was terribly rude and OTT… so have somewhat withdrawn… life’s too short.

  28. So sorry that not everyone had your back. I don’t really get the mean girl thing. If someone has success it doesn’t rob anyone else of it. Surely it just goes to show that there are wonderful opportunities out there for everyone?

  29. It really does amazes me the lack of heart people have and the inability to say congratulations . Thank you Em for keeping it real . X

  30. Ugh. If it’s any consolation, I heard nothing but good stuff about your presentation. I didn’t make it to your session- there were so many to choose from and I was mildly overwhelmed by the choice…but I’m looking forward to hearing it when recordings go live!

  31. Oh I’m so sorry to read this. You’re right that the silence of women who are expected to have your back hurts the most.

    I couldn’t make Problogger this year but I followed the Twitter teed and enjoyed the tweets from your session. Good on you for speaking!

    I too have been on the receiving end of nastiness and exclusion – and it has made me question why these women – and it’s always other women – are jealous, nasty and have too much time on their hands.

    Thanks for a great blog x

  32. Sorry you felt unsupported Em – that really sucks. I was really cheering you from the metaphorical sidelines and I’m sorry to hear that others have also felt cut down. I think a little bit of jealousy is a natural human emotion – I know I really struggled with it when were were going through infertility and others were falling pregnant (I also felt guilty for being jealous then, even though it was probably normal). It genuinely feels so much better to be happy for others, especially someone like you who I know would be so happy for others in their moments of achievement. And its just the right thing to do! We all have to remind ourselves when we are tempted to compare that we have our own paths and own opportunities – if we think otherwise we cut down the abundance and opportunities that could otherwise come our way.

  33. I love that you wrote this.

    A xx

  34. ohhh I love your 90s hair! Looked just like mine though mine was black as sin.

    I wish I could answer the question why women do this to each other, but I really can’t. I usually find the perpetrator is having a shithouse time or they are dealing with crippling insecurity. None of it an excuse but it’s always helped me to know the context. I so, so wish it didn’t happen.

    I heard amazing feedback about your session, everyone raved about it! It must have felt amazing up there doing your thing. Well done you x

  35. I missed Problogger this year so I could spend my $$ to go to family history conferences. Sad to say I did not miss it. If I had been there I am sure I would have loved your presentation. I do enjoy seeing bloggers like yourself grow and achieve so much through skill and hard work.

    There will always be those negative persons. Hopefully some might read your great post and recognised themselves, get educated and stop.

  36. Personally speaking, I am filled with uncontrollable jealousy and spite because I didn’t get to see you! WAH! I bet you were AHHHHHHHHmazing, Em. I have been so out of the loop that I didn’t even know you were presenting. Must read blogs more frequently. Must step away from Netflix in order to read blogs more frequently.

    I have never been to Problogger and perhaps one of those reasons is feeling that it might be cliquey and I’ll have no one to hang with. Packs of women can be scary – and what a shame. Because when we have each others backs, beautiful communities grow.

  37. Hey Em, I wasn’t at Pro Blogger this year, but I bet you rocked and huge congrats on getting the gig there.
    You are soooo right, it is not luck, it is hours of hard work and time over many years. I’m saddened when others don’t congratulate, it can only be jealously I say.
    Did you say this at your session? Because if you did it would have been the best session. I think Darren should get you back next year to talk about this. So many people have had a similar experience. You rock girl. Xx

  38. Ummm say what. No, no, no…..I won’t stand for this. It’s not ok and it’s not on. Em you an did incredible job presenting and as I’ve said several times and I will say it again. I am so proud of you! As for others and their green demons, I have something to say to them too. You lot just do you and Em will do Em. Nothing will come of negative thoughts and words towards another, accept to take you away further from where you desire to be.

    Is it jealousy or sour grapes? You know what Em? We are all where we need to be right now, doing what we do, being given the opportunities we do, not getting opportunities, suffering highs and suffering lows…..all of it. It’s where we all are meant to be right now. Why? Because one must learn lessons from where they are positioned in life and their journey right now. The fact that others may want to say negative things about you Em, shows they have a lot to learn about hard work, commitment, vulnerability, grace and so much more. Sadly until such people do (or if they ever do) they will never be where they believe they should be in their self obsessed minds and eyes.

    Keep being AWESOME honey, you’ve worked hard and long as a writer. x

  39. I didn’t get to ProBlogger this year … sob. Maybe next time and maybe you’ll speak again and I’ll get to hear your presentation, which I have heard was awesome by the way 🙂 It’s so true when you say great things come to people not necessarily by shear luck but by many hours of hard work, and as a blogger these are often many hours of unpaid work! Such a shame to hear you weren’t supported in your journey but you kicked butt anyway! Well done Emily!

  40. I was so happy to see you on the program that I walked out of the session I had scheduled and entered yours (albeit 10 Minutes late) because I wanted to show a fellow bloggy pal that I was rooting for you. I felt bad leaving the other session. It wasn’t anti-them. It was pro-you. So happy I got to see the bulk of yours as it was really informative and I got loads of notes. Including a major “to do” to change “over 8000 books sold” to “more than 8000 books sold” on my Charlie website. Oops!!!

    As I travel on my own journey I find that I lose a few women along the way. If that happens it’s because their values, their dreams, their motivation is different to mine. It might be envy. Or it might be they can’t relate to me anymore. Either way it’s meant to be. For every negative set I lose I gain someone who knows how to be a cheerleader.

    You are surrounded by cheerleaders Em. I hope your other bloggy pals who have been made to feel bad have their cheer squads too. 10 cheerleaders is so much better than 30 lobsters in the bucket trying to drag people down.

    • PS In answer to your question up there about “when was the last time” – I have a woman in my life who is constantly trying to trip me up in my Cheer Chick Charlie journey. But I’ve always known she was that sort of person so I guess it comes as no surprise. I was warned not to get involved with her … and I did …. So the fact she’s now in my sphere is kinda my fault I guess. She’s more like a pesky little dog yapping around my ankles to be honest. Really annoying ….

      PPS The best response to the nay-sayers, the mud slingers and the green monsters is “does my butt look big in this?” (because they’ll always be 10 steps behind you trying to catch up ….)

  41. Good on you Em. I hate jealous bitches. You’re a star x

  42. What the FUCK? Are you freaking kidding me? I have no idea who how what or why but for the life of me I cannot understand for a single nano second why someone wouldnt support you. Any success you have is because of you being wonderfully authentically genuine you. I am mad right now… so flipping mad!!!! Big hugs to you hun. I will never understand why ANYONE feels the need to be mean. xx

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