I don’t want to cark it on the operating table – an irrational post.

I’m trying be a nice human bean today, but PMS mixed with 4 hours of broken sleep is not helping my cause.

Neither is the skink-laden cat spew I just had to clean up or the fact I wrote something on my light box with a bad spelling mistake and spread it all over social media…

And I call myself a journo….

Last night I slept rough surrounded by a roomful of snoring, coughing and farting 5 and 6-year-old’s at my son’s school sleepover.

I couldn’t find the air mattress so I had one of those thin self-inflating things that backpackers shag on when doing safari tours. It was like sleeping on a coffin; hard and cold. When I slept on my stomach it was like I was giving myself a mammogram. UGH.

Continuing on with my non-funny post, I think I couldn’t sleep because somewhere deep in my cold heart I might actually be a little hung up on the fact on Monday I will be put to sleep for 1.5 or so hours and this is a big deal now that I have kids.

The last operation I had was when I was boozing university student with a rather nasty disease in my inner ear growing along my facial nerve to my brain. I was 18 and after a previous ear surgery at just 12 years of age I thought I was sweet. Appears this was one pesky cholesteatoma and it enjoyed living in my head.

Anyway, I didn’t give a shit about surgery back then, I was too concerned about toga parties, whether my lecturer was a spunk and joining the 100 club*.

But now I have three precious babies I can’t cark it on the operating table. Sure I presume I’m low risk but I never exercise and have given my liver a good hammering since I was 18. Usually I don’t sweat the small stuff but for some reason it’s taking up a lot of space in my brain right now. It must just be because I’m tired and have PMS.

I’ve even gone so far as to thinking I should write my children a letter just in case things go pear-shaped on Monday! See! I have totally flipped my lid. I blame my husband who is paranoid about anesthetic as one of his family members died while under it, but that was back in the day when men thought parenting was women’s work!

Yay we didn't kill her!

Yay we didn’t kill her!

Actually maybe I should be writing letters to them weekly anyway just as a nice thing to do. Does anyone actually do this? No don’t tell me, I already feel like a shitty parent for not doing up those scrapbooks with photos of my babies, locks of their hair, hand prints etc.

Okay, I can’t see me turning this post around into anything funny from here so I’m going to sign off, bundle the kids in the car and head to the beach for some fish n chips and so the ocean can calm me the fork down.

Speaking of forks, one of the boys just smashed the other in the face with a garden fork, cue butterfly stitch.

Do you write letters to your kids?

Don’t things like operations seem more freaky now you’re a parent?

Are you a member of the 100 club? I got to 75 🙁

* This is drinking 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes.

Comments

  1. Mate I reckon your anxiety is a natural response but try not to let it consume you. YOU WILL BE FINE!!

    P.S. I did 100 shots in 100 minutes, then projectile spewed all over the wall and passed out… classy!

  2. I’m a survivor of many many anesthetics and since having kids have become a total chicken and am always hit with the same irrational fears! It’s natural to be a little anxious but know that medicine has come a long way. Oh, and that little wooshy feeling before you go under.. it’s kinda fun! Good luck lovely. Will be thinking of you! x

  3. Yes, I think they definitely do, but know that you’ll be completely fine and you’re in good hands. (Sorry I thought your op was today and not Monday for some reason). I’ve never even heard of the 100 club, might give it a crack this weekend 😉 xo

  4. I think if you were allergic to anesthetic you would have carked it the first time. Try to look forward to that gorgeous pre-op needle they give you. It makes you feel all floaty and happy. Make sure they give you some lovely euphoria inducing drugs to take home too. You’ll be fine x

  5. You’ll be absolutely fine. Whatever rest period your doctor tells you that you need, tell them to double it and then get them to tell your husband. Surely you can squeeze some extra days of ‘rest’ reading trashy magazines and not housework, because you have to follow doctor’s orders 🙂

  6. Guns would like to know how big the shots of beer have to be? He’s thinking about giving the 100 shots a go. Clearly he has missed the point of this post x

  7. I’m no help when it comes to the anxiety over surgery thing, because I did write my kids a letter & called up my whole family before going in.. Just in case.. But, I’m sure you’ll be fine ☺️ Goes to show how tired I am because I had to re read your light box 4 times to spot the spelling error {umm & I call myself a teacher!} and no, I had no idea what the 100 club was, I was thinking something else perhaps, so I was very glad for the asterisk at the bottom lol. Good luck for Monday xx

  8. Think positive or don’t think about it at all. I don’t know if that’s the best way to handle things but it’s what I do when I’m worrying about something I have no control over. Be kind to yourself and write the letters if it will make you feel better- but surely you’ll be just fine- it’s minor, right? You’ll be laughing about this soon enough, I’m sure of it!

  9. I’ve never written a letter to my girls I guess because they are so young they can’t read it anyway, but it’s a nice thing to do if you know you’re going away for a short time. I laughed about the spelling mistake. It’s refreshing to see that even professional writers fall victim to the old spelling mistake. Hope all goes well Monday. . You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers gorgeous! Xx

  10. I was freaking out about having my colonoscopy because I had to go under anaesthetic and I was paranoid I would die. Turns out I ended up having the best sleep I’d had in ages {it actually really felt like that} and wondered why I was so worried about it. That was a pleasant surprise because I literally thought I was going to die. I’m assuming your op is already over now so hope it went well.

  11. WOOT YAY! Glad you came through alright. Side note: you really had me wondering about the 100 Club. I thought it was a sex partner thing. I thought. “Shit, she’s been busy”. LOL.

  12. Oh gosh, how slack have I been. Totally missed all of this but in my slackness, I’ve missed everyone and everything else as well. Hoping it all went well. Thinking of you.

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