10 drivers we all love to hate. 

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I know I’m not the biggest tool on the road.

This past weekend I clocked up about 450km travelling up and down a four-lane highway and encountered a menagerie of drivers along the way.

Some were a menace, others amusing but the most entertaining was watching a man weave in and out of traffic to get ahead of the pack but still end up behind me.

I opt to drive because Mr HALOM will not budge from the fast lane, well that and I usually have less demerit points than him and I can’t stop myself from criticising his annoying late braking habit.

I do get a few funny looks though, it’s like everyone assumes a man should always drive his family, have you come across that? It’s like people think I’m a bossy bitch or am emasculating my husband by driving.

Get a life people, I just like to drive, it helps to calms my inner control freak.

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If you’ve ever driven anywhere then I bet you’ve come across at least one of these types of drivers.

1. Quite The Man About Town – usually in a European car, this driver simply must pass everyone he or she can before slinking back to the second-fastest lane, slowing down and holding up traffic.

2. The Enforcer – this person hogs the fast lane because they are doing between 115-120kph in a 110 zone or 105-110kph in a 100 zone and think it’s quite fast enough thank you. This frustrates the rule breakers and motorbikes who like to cruise at 130+kph so they dangerously pass on the inside lane, flip him or her the bird and continue to speed ahead.

(Confession: I can sometimes be an enforcer.)

3. Mr Too Cool For School – he has one hand on steering wheel, the other on his crouch, the bass is pumping and the car has tints and is lowered. Embarrassingly I had a crush on such a person as a tween, his Prelude was so low his bum almost touched the road and he was mad about lowering cars. I pashed him once, worst kisser ever, but he had a sweet ride!

4. Mr Obnoxious Car Sticker – they have offensive or nasty slogans such as ‘no fat chicks’ or ‘what’s this then slut’ on their vehicle – you have my permission to pull in front of them and let your child vomit out the window.

5. Tom the Tradie – with a meat pie or cigarette dangling from his mouth, this driver has his foot planted firmly on the road and brakes for NO ONE. I just feel sorry for the dog on the back deck.

6. The Serial Swerver – you’ll see them weaving in and out of lanes to get ahead of every other driver in the fast lane and after they’ve been in pole position for a bit they’ll swerve to the far-left hand lane and take the next exit!

7. The Scaredy Cat – arguably one of the most stupid drivers on the road, this person slams on their brakes when they see a cop giving someone a ticket on the side of the road. As if the cop is going to throw his traffic offence pad to the curb and get in their car and start chasing them – sharpen up mate.

8. The Distressed Mother – to the untrained eye it might look like this woman in her SUV is just cranky but inside her car one of her kid’s has shit itself, the other has vomited and she’s running late for school pickup, don’t piss this driver off.

9. The I Like Rear Ends – this arrogant person thinks that by tailgating a driver will get scared or intimated and move out of the way. Send a message by gently tapping your brakes so the lights come on and they shit themselves thinking you’re about to stop suddenly.

(Warning: You might incite a road rage incident or crash so maybe don’t do this. When in doubt flip the bird.)

10. The Ego Maniac – mortified that you’re about to pass them, this person speeds up by about 20kph as soon as you indicate to pass. Total nut job.

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Have you come across any of these drivers recently? Maybe you are one of them?

Can you add a driver this list?

Who does most of the driving in your family?

Comments

  1. I’m totally the distressed mother, and I prefer to drive too. Adam is too busy talking to be watching the road the way I’d like him too.

  2. Bearhands does most of the driving in our car. I’m particularly happy that he’ll be our pilot to Fraser on the weekend and I’ll be able to look out the window and hand snacks to the kids. 🙂

  3. The obnoxious car sticker… bleaugh! They just make me want to get out of my car, walk up to their window, take them by the collar and give them a stern talking to.I let Scotto drive. I get nervous and dithery when he’s in the car with me and I’m driving. I had a horrible boyfriend when I was young who abused my lack of driving ability and it had a damaging effect I think.

  4. I loathe the tailgaters especially. And I always drive because I like it and Bart doesn’t. Very emasculating that. x

  5. I drive a truck on the Nullabor everyday and out here we also have ‘The Cruiser’. They pass, normally on a blind corner, and stay on cruise control, then pull in a metre in front of my 30+ metre vehicle forcing me to brake, slow down and hold up everyone behind me. I get a lot of No. 9s out here and wonder why they want to become my 4th trailer- beats me cos my bums not that good!! My hubby does a bit more of the driving than me because I’m much better at feeding him and navigating.

  6. My hubby does most of the driving in our household. I have no sense of direction and always get lost and panic, whereas he keeps his cool!

  7. I’m totally The Enforcer. Awks. It pisses off my partner so bad, especially when I slow right dish again in the fast lane and all the rev heads get crabby. I’m also the “Sunday Driver” – leisurely rolling along, easy like a Sunday morning. 😉

  8. I’m no. 8 all over! Mr McD usually drives and he’s The Enforcer (I quite like that about him ;)).

  9. I had a tailgating taxi once. I braked suddenly just enough to scare him and get him off my rear end. Man, he was so not happy. I know I took a huge risk by doing it but he needed to learn he was driving dangerously close. I’d never do it again, though…

  10. I am also sometimes an Enforcer, but an Unwilling one. I’d stay in the second fastest lane if all the cars weren’t driving 5-10kph under the limit and I didn’t have to keep going around them. Then I’m in the fast lane driving the speed limit or a couple over and having dickheads tailgating me, or even once overtaking me, nearly hitting me as he swerved in front, and then SLAMMING ON HIS BRAKES. I had both my kids in the car and had to pull off the motorway to calm down. Times like that I wish I’d had a dashcam.

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