Forget my bucket list here’s a ‘fucket list’

Before I cark it the list of things I want to do and see is virtually endless.

Seriously there is almost nothing I DON’T want to do, so instead of sharing a traditional bucket list I thought I’d reveal my fucket list.

According to the Urban Dictionary a fucket list is naming people you want to ‘do’ before you die.

So to avoid confusion, and a divorce, I have to clarify that I consider a fucket list as experiences or things that I can happily live without for the rest of my life.

For example: “nah fucket it I don’t want to do that”.

Make sense? Okay great. I’d call it a reverse bucket list but apparently some git considers a reverse bucket list as things you’ve already done. What a gronk.

Anyway, here’s 5 things that I can happily die without ever doing…

1. Ride a horse.

I don’t like ’em, I don’t trust ’em and quite frankly give me a motorbike any day of the week over a large beast that I have to trust won’t get the shits and throw me off.

We had horses as kids and I used to feed, brush and go for the occasion boob-wobbling trot but it never really blew my hair back.

And don’t even get me started on the time I was accidentally galloping and my sister’s equine tried to bite me. She narrowly escaped a one-way ticket to the glue-stick factory.

horse

2. Run a marathon.

I will happily die knowing I have NEVER run 42km without stopping. I could blame my Dolly Parton boobs and my nobbly knees but quite frankly running is boring for me.

Give me a sport that challenges me to think, adapt to my environment and use my body to guide a craft, eg stand up paddle boarding or an obstacle course with wine at the end.

I’m sure you have to be mentally tough to run such a distance but Forrest Gump was a slice short of a sandwich and did okay. I know he’s not a real person, shut up.

3. Plastic surgery.

This has nothing to do with judgement and everything to do with me being a wuss in regards to pain and stitches.

I’ve recently written editorials about lipo and how it actually removes the fat cells with the fat, and while it sounds like a bloody good idea I don’t have the stomach for it.

Hang on I DO have a stomach for it but I just don’t have the guts to do it because I’m soft. As for my boobs, well they’re now best mates with my belly button and I’m not one to break up a friendship.

4. Grow old gracefully

You won’t catch me playing bingo, I’ll be out in the bowling green with a schooner in hand trying to mow down every sucker in my path.

If I don’t have a nice motorbike that I can cruise around in, I’ll be a cheeky grey nomad travelling from town to town stirring up the locals.

I refuse to be a boring old fart that cuts her hair short at 50 and only wears long skirts because I’m worried people might see my unsightly varicose veins.

Oh and every person that visits me in the old folks home must bring sherry or chocolate liqueurs.

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5. SHIT I can’t remember the 5th one.

There was one other thing I could happily live without and I can’t remember what it was! Oh well I’m sure it’ll come to me one day.

So there you have it, my fucket list, a list of things I can die not having done.

Pretty much everything else in the entire world I want to see and do, well apart from eat live bugs and have spiders crawl all over me, okay so maybe we’ll make that No.5!

 What is something you could quite happily never do again or never want to do in the first place?

You game to write a fucket list? Let me know when you do I want to read it!

Comments

  1. Oh babe, I hear you on the marathon. Lets grow old together; the only exercise we’ll do is bicep curls at the bowlo!

  2. Bahahahahha I’m with you on horses. I got run over by a horse at the Easter Show when I was about five or six, and I can still clearly remember one of the assembled onlookers saying “She’s lucky it didn’t step on her. It could have killed her”. Yep. I’m done with horses.

  3. Hahaha these are great items on your list! They’d probably be on mine as well, though I suspect my list would be longer, since I’m pretty much a chicken and don’t dare to try many things.

  4. Haha! I’m with you on running and plastic surgery! I don’t mind horses, though I’ve no overwhelming desire to get on one. I’m more of an animal cuddled than rider (for which the cat thanks me, no doubt!)

  5. Bungee jumping, sky diving, base jumping, and any kind of scary big flying fox/ swing thingy that other people put on their bucket lists. Also add giant roller coasters and scary rides at fairs. Unless you want me to vomit on you, do not try and get me on one of those things. Ever. I certainly will not be lying on my death bed regretting that I never tried sky diving.

  6. I love idea of a fucket list. I’ve ridden a horse and I’ve had pretty much nothing but trouble so I can see why that’s on your fucket list.

  7. I hear you on the horses. The one and only time I tried I hated every butt breaking minute of it and my legs cramped up so badly I couldn’t get off the damn thing! Stupid horse!

  8. Agree with all of these Emily, except the “horse” thing, I grew up with horses and now living in suburbia, I really miss them…….

  9. I’m with you when it comes to riding horses. I’ve never been a fan of them and NEVER had any urge to ride one – they are just too creepy! Great list !

  10. If you think that bingo is for old people then you mustn’t have been before lol! Bingo is for the young and old, they even have electric bingo machines which I personally think takes all the fun out of stamping the car with a bingo pen.

    I’m with you on the horses though. My mum’s sister and her kids are right into all things horse. I was there recently and one of her friends asked me if I was scared of horses and that’s why I didn’t want to ride. Nope…just don’t like them. I’ll pat them and admire from a distance, no desire to put my rump on them though!

  11. I so agree with those Emily – but another one for me to add is jumping out of a plane – Never, ever or bungee jumping. Actually anything that involves jumping out of anything- forget it

  12. Ah yes, I can relate to some of these. And heaps of other things so many people want to do. I’m not even that keen to travel (though Italy would be nice) and as for dangerous death defying acts…. WHY????

  13. I really don’t want to run a marathon either – I can see the whole ‘proving yourself’ appeal, but I’ll have to find some other ways of proving that I’m not prepared to grow old gracefully – I’m so with you on that one. Yoga handstand at 80 – wonder what the bits and bobs will look like upside down by then!

  14. LOVE this post! Cracked me up & I’m with you on all points. I don’t run. Ever. And you’d never get me on a horse! Great list x

  15. You’re going to make such a groovy old lady with your schooner in hand!

    I agree with the addition of the plastic surgery and I certainly don’t need to run 42km’s EVER. Fuck it.

    I never want to to hold a snake. Hate them. I also will never drink coffee (gasp, I know). Hate that too.

    Fuck it.

    PS – I’d like squiz at your other “fuck it list” 😉

  16. Your list is a corker! I’m totes with you on the eating insects – that’s right up there on my list, as is not wanting to grow up because everyone knows it’s a trap. I won’t do sky diving or bungee jumping either because they’re likely to shorten my life considerably which kind of defeats the point of my fucket list.

  17. Oh Em you are so funny! I’m laughing all alone in my study! I agree a hundred percent with: “I refuse to be a boring old fart that cuts her hair short at 50 and only wears long skirts because I’m worried people might see my unsightly varicose veins.”

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