Friendship is a fickle beast.

I’ve had an epiphany about friends and friendship.

Over the weekend I spent the morning with one of my boarding school chums, our friendship is nearly 25 years young.

Conversation was easy, silence wasn’t awkward and our strong-willed threenagers had a few Mexican standoffs.

She’s heading across the ditch to be closer to her family and on reflection we should have caught up more over the few years.

But you know what, whenever we do it’s easy, there’s no judgement, no apologies, no one-upping and no bullshit.

That is how it should be.

Last night I was chatting to a bestie about the nature of friendship after I discovered someone had ‘unfriended’ me on Facie.

Years ago I would have been quite devastated about this but my attitude has changed.

If someone doesn’t like me or want to be my friend then that’s okay because maybe I’m just not their sort of person.

Sure no one likes to be disliked but isn’t it better to be connected with people who make you feel good about yourself?

I am who I am and if that isn’t what someone wants in their life then they have every right to shut the door on our friendship.

I’m no stranger to losing friends, but I just roll with it now.  What can you do about it?

There’s no point in dissecting what happened because it happened. End of story.

I’ve learned that it’s quality not quantity when it comes to friendship and right now I’m fortunate to have a little tribe of people who accept me as I am.

Here’s to being yourself and being loved for it!

(Thanks for the idea L, maybe I will make a fridge magnet with this saying on it and make my millions!)

Here's to being yourself

It does sound quite obvious but I’m sure that many of us have invested in friendships we shouldn’t have and that we’ve pissed people of without knowing.

Such is the fickle nature of friendship.

The key to a happy life is to surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you, not those that bring the ugly out in you.

If a friendship is hard work then maybe it’s just not meant to be.

Got any friendship dramas going on?

How many years has it taken you to accept that not everyone likes you?

 

Comments

  1. Ditto! I agree. The best friendships are those who endure time and distance, that are easy and … I totes agree – there is no awks during the silences!

    No friendship dramas going on here. I just don’t tolerate that kinda stuff anymore. I invest in the real people who are warm and embracing and willing to put into to me and my life. I reckon parenting really sorts out friendships – it just sorts the crap out from the good and there lies the people who can disappear into the background.

  2. Couldn’t agree more hon. The older we get, the wiser we get I think xxx

  3. Oh this is so me! I was talking to my friend on exactly this the other day. And all my close friends are the same there’s no apologises for not calling or whatever. Life is busy & it’s not with intent, it just is. It’s obvious when we’re together we have a ball & could talk the legs off a chair but that’s life and it’s perfect.

    I don’t care for silly friendship games, I’m not a teenager anymore that’s for sure.

    & just as u said, if someone defriends you on FB who cares it means very little & in all honesty you may have had a great friendship at some point but life moves on & that’s ok. x

  4. That friend says:

    Could it be that after a few years of friendship, the sudden lack of inclusion in anything started to upset and disappoint, only for the exclusion to a significant event, one of which other “friends” were invited to really drove the nail into the coffin for her?? Just a thought, maybe!

  5. I once lost a friend because I was suffering some health problems at the time and was too ill to attend her wedding. It was hurtful but I’ve learned that some friendships just aren’t meant to go the distance. Meanwhile I’m sure that for you there’s no shortage of people who would like to step in and fill the void.

  6. agree wholeheartedly em!
    “life is too short for fussing and fighting my friend!” … whoever wrote that knew a thing or three! ;0
    life is ephemeral and so are friends … one should move on if it no longer feels right!
    known this for sometime … love m:)X

  7. Amen, sister! One friendship in particular I’ve let go off. It was getting too hard and blatantly one sided. When I finally cut the cord, I was wondering why I hadn’t done it years ago…

  8. I’m not a very good friend, I move too often. 22 times in my 40s years to be exact and always find I’m doing double time in the friend department as I’m always the new kid on the block. Facebook has been a great way to keep in touch with old friends, now 4000k plus away but it’s not the same.

    Since moving to Perth I haven’t made my normal effort to go seeking new friends and refuse to play the double time game or change my ways to fit in. I suppose I’m still looking for my local ‘tribe’ but getting a bit set in my old age ways.

  9. Your attitude is great, Em. Now, either I’m a terrible friend or a very good one, but I reckon I wouldn’t even notice an ‘unfriend’ on Facey. x

  10. Agree. I’ve only been back to Brissy a few times since leaving 2 years ago and generally I’m there as briefly as possible. I don’t even offer to catch up with anyone other than my couple of besties who live there. Other friends I’m in contact with via Facebook and if my visits were longer than 2-3 days I’d probably make more of an effort, but as it is…

    Two of my 3 besties I’ve known since Uni (over 25yrs ago) and we lived together after. The other I met in 1992! I’m also still in contact with a group of my school friends and – as you say – when we get together it’s like time hasn’t passed. I love that none of us have to make excuses for not making more of an effort in between etc.

  11. You are right! Friendship is fickle! But why flog a dead horse? Some friendships stand the test of time and some are short. It is also a two way partnership and if one isn’t giving or it becomes hard then let it go.
    You are one of the busiest woman I know Emily! How you manage to work all the hours God gives us AND maintain a fantastic marriage AND raise three well rounded children AND have a wide circle of friends I don’t know!! What I do know is if I needed you at 2 am tomorrow morning you would be there for me and for that I am grateful! 20 + years of friendship is a huge achievement and I am going to miss having you down the road!!
    I will continue to stalk your blog to see how your life is going hehehe xxx

  12. “Sure no one likes to be disliked but isn’t it better to be connected with people who make you feel good about yourself?” Absolutely! I’ve found myself in the very same place as yourself. And isn’t that a great place to be?!

  13. I’m glad you had a good catch up with your friend Em. i think real friends are able to talk to each other as if they have been together a day before even if it has been years. No friendship dramas over here but I still struggle when some friends disappear and I can’t see a reason.

  14. I can see that picture as a magnet in the post office to take home and put on your fridge. And I would definitely buy one!

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