Words you don’t want to hear before drop off!

After fighting her feisty son for more than 30 seconds she finally managed to force him to sit in his car seat and quickly buckled it up.

Walking back into the house to get the keys, three school bags, and the plot she had almost lost, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Her shoulders slumped and she shook her head as she noticed her dishevelled hair, a wrinkled T-shirt and bags under her eyes large enough to carry a trolley full of groceries.

Without time to fuss over her appearance she grabbed her sunglasses and a tidy cardigan and leaped in the car before letting out of a big sigh of relief.

Then she heard those four words that every mother about to do the school and kindy drop off dreads:

“I’ve done a poopee”.

So this was why the wee turdburgler didn’t want to sit in his car seat, she thought.

4387e996486ad597d0d1077ea9c119e36a2b47ff4405484f3e5583482af883f0

She groaned, flung herself out of the car, slammed the door and said every swear word known to man as she walked around the side of the car to unbuckle her youngest child.

Out the corner of her eye she noticed her lovely neighbour at the end of her driveway walking her dog. She cringed knowing that this polite woman had heard every curse word escape her cranky mouth.

She smile apologetically and gave a friendly wave, it wasn’t the first time she’d be sprung having a tourette’s-like episode in her garage.

A knowing and sympathetic smile was returned and the dying tree at the front of her lawn was again ‘watered’ by the neighbour’s dog.

No wonder the council had replaced it four times in the past six years, she thought, it was obviously the town bike of the canine world, everyone wanted on it!

17COMPLAINT-blog480

Opening the car door she was greeted with fighting kids and for good measure the poopee child screamed in her ear and blew a raspberry in her face.

“Would you just please STOP,” she said as calmly as she could, the last thing she wanted was to yell at the kids before they went to school/kindy for the day.

She carried her 21kg toddler under her arm, she took a deep breathe, did the fastest nappy change known to man and marched back to the garage.

A quick scan of the backseat revealed the oldest child had unbuckled herself and was nowhere to be seen!

The stubborn yet fast six-year-old was heading towards the kitchen because she’d forgotten her library book, swimming goggles and a loom band bracelet that had been specially made for someone and if they didn’t get it TODAY then the world would literally fall apart.

Once everyone was back where they should be, she climbed back in the car and sighed again.

With a stern voice and a steely gaze she glanced at her trio and checked for shoes, seatbelts, snot, school bags and then finally backed down the driveway ignoring crying, questions and pleas for the window to be down.

She noticed the home-delivered newspaper was soaking wet for the third day in a row because it had been chucked on the lawn and not the driveway.

To drown out the sounds of fighting she increased the volume of the radio and slowly drove down the street, checking the time and planning her next move.

A slow smile started to form on her face because she knew that within 30 minutes she would be back home, ALONE.

Her eyes joined in the smile as she congratulated herself for surviving another crazy school morning reasonably intact.

She was literally about to five-high herself and then she realised it was Dress Like  A Pirate Day at kindy.

FARK!!!!

How crazy are mornings at your house?

Would too much dog wee be killing my newbie trees?

Comments

  1. Hilarious Em – and she’s really a saint that woman. Writing mojo. Check.

  2. Bought back such sweet memories!

  3. Oh been there!
    So glad we don’t have poopy nappies to deal with any more.

  4. Well captured. I have all of this ahead of me. Monday mornings are bad enough, with kinder starting at 8.30. But it’s one of seven days, so I’m cruising, really.

  5. This sounds like my mornings. Why do they always poop when yu have to leave home! Always!!

  6. At the risk of sounding like a real “party poopee” dress-up days are the bloody bane of my existence! Even now mine are older sometimes getting out the door with everyone is so tiring I could seriously go home for a nap afterwards!

  7. Or the day you argue with your two kids to get dressed “or else I will take you in your pj’s” and grunt, groan and scream…. hurry them into the car get them there to find out it is pyjama day!
    (This actually happened)

  8. Bahhahahhahahaa! ALMOST….. winning…! Urgh. This sounds so much like my life.

  9. Oh no… there are times I am glad I’m single!

  10. Em, you painted such a picture, I was watching this like a movie! Mornings are crazy!! x

  11. I think toddlers are genetically programmed to poop the instance they are buckled into the car seat 😉

  12. I noted a few sighs here and there. Lots of pressure that needed to be released obviously! What a morning! That last poopee, timed perfectly just when we’re heading out the door is just the worst. Non-parents will never understand how challenging it is to get to get to places on time. I can plan everything perfectly down to pre-packing bags, snacks, getting everyone dressed, toilet visits…. but that last poopee… all I can do is SIIIIGGHHHH. and change their nappy, of course.

  13. I remember these days so well – but I had that child that you had to wrestle to try to get the buckle done up. Some of best parenting moments happened on those days.

  14. Geez, this sounds like every time we try to leave the house. Stressful!

  15. hahahahaha! Oh man! Sending you lots of energy and positive thoughts Em!

  16. Haha, oh Em! You make me feel normal. My elderly neighbour caught me swearing a while back as I was looking for my car keys in the rubbish bin on the street as the garbage truck approached. I’ve had a highly challenging day with the kids today including having a toddler throw herself on the road a couple of times. I am so freaking exhausted. Good to know I’m not the only one though x

  17. I thought I had it bad in the mornings but I think you make mine sound like a walk in the park 😛 Big hugs!

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  18. Yep. Are you videoing my house these days?

  19. Bloody pirates! Loved it mate. x

  20. Someone should do a post on favourite swear words to utter in desperate times! I have a nice little routine set of sentences I like to colour my day with when no-one’s around.

    You’ve caught my morning and last evening here. School production is on and thank god it’s bi-annual or I would be finished. The stress!! The flaming stress!!!!

  21. Stop it! This will be me next year. Can’t wait! 🙂

  22. This is the first one of your blog posts that my husband has read (he was looking over my shoulder while I was reading it) and he just said ‘I really get why you all blog about this stuff’. That feeling of solidarity is so important! You are not alone! Crazy family mornings happen to us all. We have a sneaky little turdburgler with bad timing too. Great post!

  23. Neighbours who lived next door to me when mine were your kid’s ages heard quite a lot of this sort of thing going on before school. I remember one day arriving at the drop off and five hysterically screaming kids flying out of the car because someone had discovered a cane toad in their shoe which they’d decided to finally put on as I pulled up to the gate. Never a dull day with kids is there Ems?

  24. I’m sure my 2 year old is an evil genius who always times his morning poop to be just as I’m trying to get Miss TT to kindy. We live next to a retirement village so luckily most of the residents can’t hear my vast selection of choice words. Not being a morning person doesn’t help either. Can’t wait to do it 5 days a week next year!!!

  25. Ha ha ha too funny! My little guy obsesses with wearing orange freaking everything before drop off. It drives me nuts x

Speak Your Mind

*