On being a sub-editor, an aquarian and wine bearer – Laugh Linkup

When I was sub-editor at a newspaper I had to cut and chop copy to fit the page – and guess which section got hacked before we fiddled with new stories?

THE CHINESE HOROSCOPE!

I don’t lose sleep at night worrying that I might have inadvertently ruined someone’s life or made them marry a douche bag.

But in my defence I didn’t change the meaning of the advice, I did what any sub does, I just made it snappier, more palatable.

For example instead of it saying: Be mindful as you navigate your way through this day, many obstacles will come across your path, be wary not to take them on face value, look beyond the obvious for deeper meanings.

I might have rewritten it to say: People are bad drivers and jerks but they could love you.

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Nah I’m just totally messing you, we don’t touch the horoscope, just forget I said anything, truly, please don’t tell ANYONE!

I’m actually quite intrigued by astrology and am curious about what’s above us and how planets and their movements affect us.

And what about poor Pluto, I honestly feel sad for Pluto now that it’s not considered a planet, just a dwarf planet. Left out in the cold – again.

So my birthday is in February and this means my star sign is Aquarius – the eleventh sign of the zodiac.

Its name is Latin for ‘water wine-carrier’ or ‘cup bottle-carrier’ and its symbol is a representation of water. Quite an accurate representation me thinks!

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After scouring many astrological websites, and consulting the planets, I found some info about the traits I may or may not have.

Here’s some characteristics of Aquarian: And then my translation of what they mean.

1. We’re the humanitarians of the zodiac, we’re honest truth-seekers, broad-minded and creative people. We’re blunt, big drinkers, and have usually done a Bachelor of Arts.

2. Key characteristics include; detached, progressive, humane, intellectual, flamboyant, sympathetic, and unpredictable. Appears snobby, won’t kill spiders, know-it-all, cries a lot, a bit loose.

3. We are often criticised for our cheeky attitudes, but prefer to be self-sufficient than being a sheep in society. Hates mainstream media, racists, and people who don’t think for themselves.

4. Our thinking mind rarely, if ever, stops. We need to learn when to shut down as our brains can become overactive, especially at night. We are insomniacs.

5. Communication is our specialty and we relate well to the world. Chatterboxes who will chew your ears off if you let us.

6. There’s often someone who wants to challenge us, especially if they happen to have a more conventional way of doing things. We are more than happy to challenge them and take great pleasure in proving them wrong. Loves a good argument.

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What is your star sign? What are you classic ‘traits’.

Got an amusing post, old or new? Link up below, spread the word and have a giggle on Monday!

Michaela from Five Frogs Blog |  Emily from Have a Laugh on Me | Kimberley from Melbourne Mum | Alison from Talking Frankly | Vanessa from 26 Years and Counting |  Rachel from Redcliffe Style

 

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I’m blogging every day in May thanks to Clairey Hewitt. Today’s prompt: Your zodiac sign and your thoughts on star signs.

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I’m also being a town bike and linking and am joining up with:

Kirsty from at My Home Truths for I Must Confess

Alicia over at One Mother Hen for Open Slather Monday 

Eva @ The Multitasking Mummy for Mummy Mondays

Comments

  1. For no other reason than a really good laugh, I subscribe to two daily horoscopes via email. I’m a Libra so a weigh up both options and pick the more optimistic one before proceeding with my day.

    I’m not convinced today’s post is actually funny (mine not yours) but at 3.46 am my ability to think behind my latest blog post is a struggle.

  2. Ha, ha. I’m a Cancer – classic in lots of ways – kind, caring, top up other people’s wines (bla, bla) – cares too much about what people think about me, too sensitive, which leads me to being a wine drinker (sorry, no wine left for you).

  3. So we had a taxi driver who went thru our traits individually given our chinese horoscope symbol – down to one child having sinus issues at night (apparently this is due to me drinking orange juice when pregnant, so pregnant ladies, if you take the advice of taxi drivers, stay off the OJ). He said I was not very good at housework but I was good at other things…So I don’t know if I believe in astrology but I’m right on board with the Chinese Horoscope…that stuff is accurate. Best taxi ride EVER by the way…and at cheap Singapore prices…

  4. Michaela C says:

    Haha! I’m a perfectly exemplary Gemini. Loud. Fickle. Easily bored. Attention – seeking. We’re great! Lol x

  5. I’m a Virgo – paralysis by analysis! Aquarians and Virgos dont get on. I’m not going to talk to you anymore.

  6. I am a cancerian and was always told I was a cranky crab growing up.. Apparently we’re moody!

  7. Ha ha you’re a classic!

    I’m Taurus. The bull. Stubborn apparently. I don’t think so but more that I’m mostly right. You know? So we could probably have a great old barney you and I considering our star sign traits!

  8. Did you really mess with the horror-scopes?
    I am a scorpion. But I don’t think I have a sting in my tail….but perhaps that is a question for someone who has pissed me off! 🙂

  9. Haha, cracker. I’m a Gemini. I’m not a stereotypical one at all. Yes I am. No I’m not. YES I AM. NO I’M NOT!

    No need to click my link – you’ve already seen it. But thought others might get a giggle. Thanks for hosting the Laugh Link! x

  10. I’m a goat, the responsible dictator, loyal yet distrusting, not contradictory at all…

  11. I’m an Aquarian too! That makes a whole lot of sense to me. Rachel xx

  12. I’m a Capricorn. I think we’re supposed to be really determined and stubborn. The only thing I seem to be determined about is achieving obesity and type 2 diabetes by eating all the cake in the World ever. You’ve gotta have a goal, right?

    Love your interpretation of an Aquarian. I’ve known a few odd ones. I refer to them as Aqueerians. *ducks for cover*

  13. In the Chinese zodiac I’m a rat. I don’t even like rats. But rats do live in sewers so it’s kind of in line with my type of work. 🙂

  14. Lol lol lol as a fellow Aquarian I think you’ve summed us up well, especially the; ‘chatterboxes who will chew your ears off if you let us’ and ‘blunt, big drinkers who’ve probably done a BA’. Tick, tick, tickety tick

  15. merilyn says:

    well I am a gentle, kind, caring, considerate, mutable pisces the biggest drinkers of all!
    we are the dreamers, artistic and aloof … that’s why half the time I don’t know what I’m doing, or where I am!
    my whole world is illusionary and I love it! btw I gave up the drink before I had to! … I have a few planets in aquarius tho!!! … lol m:)X

  16. I’m a gemini, which when I tell most people they immediately say I must be two faced – I’m not really though, I promise!! I do think some of the traits associated with star signs are pretty spot on though.

  17. My daughter is an Aquarius and I love her to bits but she drives me BONKERS. I’m an Aries and about as Aries as Aries come. Hot-tempered, passionate, assertive and an absolute bleeding heart. ROCK ON! Kx

  18. My star sign is Cancer and we’re meant to be moody and sensitive. I’ve always thought it was the most uncool sign of the zodiac and I get very miffed at being described this way! So, not a stereotypical Cancerian at all then;-)

  19. Embarrassing to admit but it’s the first thing I check on the newspaper. LOL Taurus here. Bullheaded and stubborn as hell. 😉

  20. Hun, I am a Virgo which means I am critical and perfectionistic and orderly yadda yadda. I am not sure if we are meant to get along but I must say, my eldest of the boys is an Aquarian and our minds really meet – really meet! I adore his convos as he is so dang intelligent.
    Likewise I love to visit here and hang with your posts.
    I completely understand the Editor thing too. I like to delete large portions of daily life as I am just too critical of it all. (Why are star signs so darn accurate?)

  21. Looking into your horoscope, how long do sub-editors have before they go the way of manual typewriters and dot matrix printers? I know that Fairfax have outsourced their sub-editing to New Zealand (are all sub-editors Kiwis?) and apparently the next money-saving step is to just make journalists correct their own copy. As a former subbie, you are surely outraged?

  22. I actually sound very aquarian…but I’m a scorpio. Maybe I’m born on a cusp…ok I actually have no idea what that means, but I’ve heard it before and it sounds very uncomfortable for my mother…

  23. Love this! As a fellow Aquarian, I totally agreed with your translations and literally laughed out loud!!

  24. I’m a classic Virgo. A chick without a wine pourer! Come pour me some wine, Aquarian!

  25. I’m a Leo – I am (supposedly) confident, ambitious, generous, loyal and encouraging with the downside of being pretentious, domineering, melodramatic, stubborn and vain. I m definitely some of those things but not all of them! I happen to be married to an Aquarian who can drive me up the wall at times. But we get on pretty well, when we’re not both trying to rule the roost!

  26. For some reason, I’ve always found Aquarians the most fun to drink with!!! I’m a Leo, so by the end of the night my hair will be a mess, mascara running down my face from laughing and waiting for someone to carry me home. Good job I have a well-mannered, ultra-organised Virgo/Libran to be my live-in chauffeur 😉

  27. I would love to hear your translation of Virgo traits. Yours was too funny. I’m a ‘soft’ Virgo meaning I turn all the harping and criticism inward. I am terribly Obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleaning and I “love to bring order out of chaos” which is probably why I’ve temporarily morphed in to a building site manager. Doesn’t apply so well to my daughter’s bedroom tho.

    • Now that’s a challenge! You can stand sloths, lazy people, think you are always right and get offended when people call you on your passive aggressive statements – which you only make because you think your way is the best?! No offence in this translation, I just know a few

  28. Good lord, you are a linky-aholic!!!

    As for Pluto will the rhyme no longer works – My Very Earnest Mother Just Sent Me Nine ….

  29. Fellow Aquarius. Fellow insomniac. Fellow drinker. Knew I liked you for a reason. 😉 x

  30. As a Libran (the star sign not the type of women’s hygiene products) I’m basically a lost cause. Can’t make a decision to save myself and spend my entire life worrying about what people think of me and if I’ve upset them…….OMG, has my comment just offended you… I didn’t mean to. Do you still like me?????

  31. I’m a Gemini-Cancer cusp and if you read this here – http://xstrologyscopes.com/articles/gemini/gemini-cancer-cusp
    it’s scarily accurate! My favourite part though is where they say I am magical!

  32. Love the image of the sub-editor expectations Emily. My boys are Aquarius so I will bear in mind your post haha. I am a Cancer and very much a stereotype home-body 🙂

  33. My childhood best friend’s dad worked at the local paper (doing printing or something) and got her a job there on Uni holidays. (It was before syndication etc) She told me that they used to have a heap of nice wanky phrases in a box and randomly pull them out for the horoscope each day!

  34. I’m Pisces and the stuff I have read basically says we are airheads who tend to spend most of the time off with the fairies, easily distracted and created. I don’t think it’s true at all, I don’t get – oooh look something shiny 😉

  35. Haha! I did have laugh at that delete button. Oh the cruelty of sub-editors!

    My mum and my sister are aquarians, but your interpretation was more apt to describe me. Except for the big drinker bit. I’m a cadbury drunk I’m afraid, at least since I had kids. 🙂

    Love the new look, BTW.

  36. PS – A laugh link-up! What an awesome idea! 🙂

  37. I am a leo, and I know 3-4 Aquarians and yes your descriptions are dead on the money!

  38. I’m a Gemini – I’m a thinker, I’m mentally driven, communicative and fast-moving – TRUE, TRUE, TRUE and TRUE…and they all lead to..STRESS and OVER ANALYSING.

  39. Oh Em, you HAVE to do Capricorn for me!! If I was into astrology (which I’m not), I think I’d be a bit concerned that not only is my star sign a goat, but I’m pretty sure I was also born in the Chinese year of the goat! I’m guessing that would mean that I like to kid around, and eat anything in sight 😉

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