Like a blow to the shin bone from a metal bed frame, it dawned on me recently that I am WAY tougher on my first-born.
I seem to nit pick, nag and be a grumpy mole way more to her than my other kids. Which isn’t fair as they are equally annoying as her at times.
So while you might think that the only reason I gave her the day off today was because I felt guilty, you’d be wrong.
That wasn’t the only reason, while she has a cold (a 2 out of 10 cold) I also gave her the day off so we could have time together.
I lost a MASS GIVE client last week so you see I’ve got something I’m not used to having, spare time! So instead of filling it up with more work like I usually would, I’m just not.
What a relief not to be busy.
Despite the beach being closed yesterday I headed there with a friend and clocked up 7000 steps YO. We nearly got sucked out to sea by a rogue wave which would have been a disaster as I didn’t have my best knickers on.
Right now Miss Nearly 9 (going on 13) is listening to the Moana soundtrack. Soon we’re going to play Scrabble and do some Lego.
WHO. EVEN. AM. I
I’m happy AF because I don’t have ridiculous pressure on me right now and it’s divine. Sure something else might come up work wise but I’m not looking.
SERIOUSLY. Anyone who knows me will realise the gravity of the situation I am putting myself in.
I am giving myself permission NOT to be busy.
I am giving myself permission to bludge.
It’s taken week 7 of having all three children at school for me to get it. Life doesn’t have to be hectic to be productive.
Sure more work might come my way and life will go back to crazy town but DAMMIT until then I am going to be a lady of leisure somewhat.
Help the hardworking and hardly appreciated P&C mums with some writing stuff.
Walk the kids to school. Skive off to the beach during the week just because I can.
So what does all this have to do with me being harder on my oldest child? Well I’ve realised it’s because I’m stressed and get cranky because I’m not parenting the way I’d like.
Vicious circle folks.
I don’t have all the answers, no one does, we’re just fumbling through.
And what prompted me to write this? Well it was actually Mrs Woog’s post today. While it wasn’t about what I’m dribbling on about one line hit me like a double blow to the shin.
“With modern life dictating to us that BUSY IS GOOD, there are a whole heap of us out there who are struggling to keep our heads above water. This I know to be true.”
YES. YES. YES
I’ve made a rod for my own back and brandished the busy line like it’s a good thing. But it’s not anymore. Well for me anyway.
While I thrive under pressure, I am not the gentle caring soul that I want to be around my children when I’m stressing about writing 10 (decent) articles in two days and meeting hectic deadlines.
How can I expect them my kids to come to me when they’re older and have real problems if I’m always stuck in top gear?
So it’s no more treading water, well that’s my aim. Instead I’ll do my best to find my footing when I can and use it to empower myself and stop niggling my kids.
Rightio best I go and make a cuppa and bond with my bestie, a little girl who I want to grow up and be a self-confident young woman, something that I wasn’t until nearly 40 years of age.
Have you already realised this?
How busy are you?
What about your oldest? Are you tougher on them for some stupid reason?