When the demands of motherhood feel like a constant chore.

 *This is a sponsored post for Flora

A wise woman* once told me that it was okay to write an emo post every now and then.

It is my now.

At the moment this working from home/parenting caper is unrelenting in its demands on me.

With the Husband away 12 hours a day and Saturdays I am tired, overworked and starting to resent the fact that 90 percent of everything falls on me.

Most things in my life seem like such a chore right now.

Sadly I’ve even started resenting all the demands and questions that I get from my three adoring little people.

I took my youngest to the beach the other day because we rarely get time alone and when we do I’m usually holed up in my little corner working on the computer.

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I’d also just read a multitude of motivating posts about why mums should look after themselves and why it was important they recharged their souls.

The beach does this for me. Watching the waves roll in and feeling the sea breeze on my face has always refreshed and reinvigorated me.

But it didn’t do it for me this day and I find that a bit sad.

Yes I enjoyed watching my baby frolic at the beach but I was also wary of the time, knowing I had to get back to meet some deadlines.

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The answer isn’t as simple as cutting back on work, the answer is complicated. It is about accepting that this is the way my life is right now and dealing with it.

It’s about finding happiness in the boring daily grind of life that I find myself in.

There is no such thing as a work/life balance and anyone that thinks otherwise is kidding themselves.

Once you become a parent you relinquish the inherent right to put yourself first all of the time and this is the sucky part of being a mum.

I miss being selfish.

And yes there are times when you simply MUST look after you, but it’s not an easy thing to do.

I know the benefits of eating well, getting enough sleep, exercise and yes there are lots of great places to get healthy living tips

But all the well-meaning advice in the world won’t change your mindset, only you have the power to do this.

So what would I recommend you to do to accept and enjoy your life right now?

1. Slow down.

2. Slow down.

3. SLOW DOWN.

4. Don’t feel obligated to be happy all the time.

5. Pick your battles in all aspects of your life.

6. Be mindful of what you say to your children, their souls are tender.

 Had a pity party for one recently?

Where is your happy place?

 

* Okay so Mrs Woog wasn’t exactly telling me personally, she was telling a room full of bloggers at a Kidspot Voices Event.

 

Flogging with Grace @ With Some Grace

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And rewinding with Bron, Sonia, Kelly and Sonia for Weekend Rewind

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Comments

  1. It is hard love and as hard as it is slowing down is the only answer. Accept help from everyone that you can. I couldn’t get through my week without the help of my mum, mum in law and Aunt. Maybe it’s time for you to drop the kids off with the grandies at the farm so you can have a saturday to your self. xxx

  2. I have had a pity party for one recently actually. I suck at the balance thing in fact I’m convinced it’s not achievable. I know that me time is imperative to my existence otherwise I get what you describe in this post. I know that I need to do yoga at least once a week, not so much for the exercise but the breathing – to breathe it all out and recently I was told something a bit good which might be of some (small) use. Replace the ‘I shoulds’ with ‘I’d prefer’. Not I should have a tidy house but I’d prefer to have a tidy house but I’ve got 3 mini monsters and no extra hands so It’s understandable – Chillax! It’s helped me somewhat but it’s hard when the burden is constant. It’s hard to say this to yourself.

    And by the way, I almost never get to yoga…. So yeah, take my advice knowing that I almost never take my own! But I reckon admitting the struggle helps even just a smidgen, I hope this is true for you xx

  3. merilyn says:

    might be hormonalll hun! … the moon?
    “complexities of the human existence” … especially the role of the parent these days … immense!
    “what is it that you need/want that is making you behave like this?” … book “emotional intelligence”
    often all we need is a big hug, time out and some emotional supporting! …
    sending love through cyber space
    “because you’re worth it!”
    m:)X

  4. I remember feeling what you’re describing when my five were all little (eg; 10,9,7,5 and 4). I would find an all consuming activity for them that would hold their interest for at least two hours, find a place with safe perimeters and sit down and do my work while they occupied themselves but were close to Mum. I found a lot of fenced parks and packed a lot of picnics back in those days.

  5. If you ever work out the perfect answer for Mummies, let me know. (And you will be the richest woman in the world.)
    Hope you don’t feel down for too long Hun! 😀

  6. We all hear you! Now that my girls are 7 and 4 my life is gradually becoming easier. They will entertain themselves to a large extent. Of course with three kids life will never be easy but it will get easier. That doesn’t help you much now I know. 😉
    If I were in Bris Vegas I’d your three for a playdate so you could get a few hours to yourself.

  7. Love and admire your honesty. Sometimes life just sucks! Period. Honesty to self is the gateway to strength and self kindness. Xx

  8. Big hugs my dear… it’s certainly tough juggling motherhood with work, especially when you have 3 such young kids but honestly, I think you handle it very well. Just keep swimming xox

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  9. Do you find blogging a chore at the moment? I’ve been struggling to find clarity and have come to the conclusion that to move forward something has to give, I’m just not sure what.

  10. The beach does it for me too Em. I understand what you’re saying. Being an adult is just so exhausting, all the decisions and responsibilities. It’s not all eating ice-cream for breakfast like I thought it would be! Don’t know how you do it. xx

  11. Be selfish this weekend – you have my permission (and you know what? – the kids don’t care – let them watch tv all day, they’ll think it’s fabulous.)

  12. It is frustrating when even your happy place doesn’t do it for you – definitely a sign you need to slow down (though when is always what I ask myself!).
    I am constantly feeling this crushing guilt at being back at work & missing out on my kids, but then kind of wishing I could just have a day to myself when the weekend rolls around as I am so depleted! It can be a vicious cycle can’t it!?!
    You are amazeballs & even when it doesn’t feel as wondrous as we think it should – your beautiful babies still love you & that makes it worth it! xx

  13. I hear you Emily. It’s not easy no matter what anyone tells you. Like you I always try and pack a lot in. But this week I came a cropper when I came down with a bout of food poisoning and literally had to take to my bed. It’s certainly made me think about looking after myself a bit more. Because if I’m not well, the wheels really fall off around here!! I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job, more than you give yourself credit for. Maybe a little selfishness is a good thing? xxx

  14. It can feel like a hard slog some days, because it is!! I find mothering to be a total roller coaster with so many factors influencing how I feel at any one moment. When you’ve just had yourself to look after for most of your life and your emotional state is pretty steady, it’s hard to enjoy the bumpy ride. My 4 year old has suggested that I go and meditate when I’m a bit grumpy!! He’s also suggested yoga. Am not sure if he just wants me to go away or he realises I’m better after it!!

  15. Mindset, and accepting that when they are little, some of us have to work in the dark hours of the night to get it all done. Believe me, it gets SOOO much easier. With mine now in primary school, I can finally see the light.

  16. I like emo you. Or I like it when you’re super real and we can relate to you.
    I bet like this every now and then. The best thing is try and get some time out, even what seems impossible. It’s necessary. Love you chicky xx

  17. I only have myself to look after / occupy and I often feel things get too much for me and wish I could share the load. I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but….

  18. Emo feels good, yes. I had a bit of an emo post yesterday too. Perhaps there’s something in the water. My happy place is my book at the moment, but that sometimes means working far into the night and kissing any chance of sleeping normally, but it’s where I have to go. If I don’t, I get extremely tetchy and that does not a good mother make. So swings and roundabouts, pet, swings and roundabouts. Kx

  19. I can so relate to this, Emily. For me it’s usually the lack of sleep that does it. A few nights of teething and not a thing can make me happy (other than a bed, but so out of reach,,,) “Slow down” is a great piece of advice, so hard to remember though when you’re frantic. Hope you get some time to be selfish, soon.

  20. ‘Don’t feel obligated to be happy all the time.’ YES. Some days I feel like I’m treading water, not getting anywhere. I have to accept that that’s okay sometimes. Perhaps even most of the time at this stage of my life. x

  21. Amen, girlfriend! Illness and terrible life events notwithstanding, it has to be the hardest time of our lives, juggling work and tiny people. And having husband away so much makes it even harder. I think it’s way cool to get emo sometimes and have a big boo-hoo about it. I sure do. But you are right – there is no changing the facts so all we can do is change the voice in our heads. Slowing down sure is a great idea but I haven’t mastered that skill yet. Putting down phones and closing computers is supposed to help too. Again, not my strong suit. But I know when I get enough sleep I’m a much nicer person to everyone, so that’s my focus for now. That, and wine. Mwah lovely, great post. x

  22. The beach is a great place to unwind and if it makes you feel any better, things do get easier as the kids get older. Don’t get me wrong, they still need you, but it’s more as a taxi driver and a supplier of carbs than anything else x

  23. “There is no such thing as a work/life balance and anyone that thinks otherwise is kidding themselves” – it took me a while to realise this and even longer to accept it, but when I did it felt like a huge weight was lifted.
    Even so, there are still days where everything gets on top of us. That’s life. Do your best, that all you can do. And know it’s okay to feel a little down and overwhelmed.
    Virtual hugs Em xx

  24. Hi Em, I go through waves of “yep I am coping-no worries” to other days “Pity party alert-I am going to wallow today-because I can” last year I actually would book a day/afternoon off once a month and go do “me stuff” which actually involved a whole lot of nothing but no kids, no hubby. Hubby would take the kids on a daddy day out. Must start doing this again. Work-life balance is a load of rubbish-especially as a mum. Big hugs to you xx

  25. I don’t mind your emo moment Em, we all have them at times. What you do, re your writing workload, no matter how quick you write is nothing short of amazing. I don’t know how you manage it, and I said it before I admire you doing it with 3 kids in tow. I feel resentful of everything falling back on me at times too, it’s exhausting. I wish we had family around to relieve me even just for half a day every now and then. Do you have family close by that can do that for you occasionally? xx

  26. Em, I have had the biggest pity party for one, for years… until last weekend. I sang ‘Let it go’ to myself in my head, non-stop (seven year old is singing it in the school choir so it has been played endlessly). I decided that I am never going to get back the time I resent having to look after the kids on my own, or I am never going to get back this or that… life, right now, is these two little people who need me, and a husband who needs me… and the moment I let it all go, happiness flooded me. I’ve felt better than I have in over eight years… so go on Em, ‘Here I stand // In the light of day // Let the storm rage on.’ Let it go.

  27. Hey Em – it is great that you don’t always feel you have to laugh it off, because you write a funny blog. Sometimes it does just suck. I’ve said it before, I think you have a huge pile on your plate, and even if you give yourself credit for tackling it, which you so should, it doesn’t change the size of the pile (some of it being poo)! I think you have nailed it with SLOW DOWN, because just about everything can be done more slowly, with breaths in between. Usually it works out better too. I’m sure you are very efficient to get through what you do, but can you add slow minutes into every hour and make yourself more effective – as a journo who is used to deadlines I think you need to give yourself permission to stop, even in the face of a deadline, rather than rush headlong into it. X

  28. I was never really good at being selfish, but I do understand the resentment part. Trent works 12hr shifts and sleeps most of the time hes home so I feel like a single parent a lot of the time. I just wish I could sleep in, thats what Id really love!

  29. Oh sweet girl – I know this feeling well. There is always something to do or something that needs to be done that eats into your thoughts whenever you are trying to enjoy some down time. I have always been trying to get everything done so I can relax with a clear schedule. BUt I have finally come to realise that as a working mum, wife friend daughter blah blah there will never be a clear schedule and there will always be something that needs to be done. As soon as I fully except that then I know I will become less of a stress head xx

  30. I’ve been feeling a bit like this and I’ve only got two children and haven’t been working!! I think getting to the end of my pregnancy I’m hormonal and tired and can’t do as much as I want. Kids can add pressure to lifestyles because us mums have to juggle so much! Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to work to make ends meet and solely focus on our kids? It’s something I have been thinking about a lot lately! You do need time to yourself to feel refuelled and focused. Can hubby cut back hours or is that not negotiable? Easy said than done but sometimes options need to be looked at for the greater good of the family. X I just want to reach out and help you in some way. This is a classic case of needing a village to help you. Xo

  31. I feel so exhausted by the end of the week and then we have to turn around and do all the sporting activities over the weekend! I am very much looking forward to the school holidays to de stress a little…..

  32. I think you’ve nailed it here:

    “Don’t feel obligated to be happy all the time.”

    I also think sometimes accepting that ‘one foot in front of the other’ is an ok state to be in for a while is OK (so long as its not forever 🙂

  33. I am so in this place right now and I really don’t have any answers (not for the lack of searching!!) but it does help a little knowing that other mums are feeling this way too. Thank you for sharing.

  34. I needed to read this! I feel so overwhelmed these day! My 3am “me time” is gone. I feel like I don’t have time for myself, to blog and read blogs. All kids, work and housework (plus husband) Argh!

  35. Another working from home mom says:

    Feeling the same way. Acupuncture and a dose of the homeopathic remedy sepia helps. Working on the mindset. Thanks for your honesty.

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