Why I’ll never be an elite athlete and why I write!

So I just got a polite tap on the shoulder asking if I’d like to write about writing.

Does a bear shit in the woods? (Not if it’s a polar bear!)

Anyway the hilarious and รผber organised Kirsten from Kirsten and co wanted me to join in the Why I Write Blog Hop.

I never say no to a good challenge so let’s get this show on the road.

What am I working on?

Well I’ve just finished a website for a brand of organic dips. Word styling for websites can be tricky to write at times because SEO words need to be carefully threaded in about 300 words of text on each page so Google is happy and directs traffic to it.

images

But it’s not too hard and once you get into the zone you can usually get a page written in an hour or so depending on the complexity of the subject.

Some of the subjects I’ve written about include; IT technology, Ayurvedic medicine, hair and makeup services, insurance, home renovation and residential development.

I’ve also scored a gig (not singing thankfully) writing features and weekly blogs for a website that’s about to launch. It’s a biggie here on the Gold Coast but I can’t say much more until it goes live.

I’m particularly proud of a piece I’ve submitted about a motorcycle champ who was about to turn pro but had an accident at just 19 and became a quadriplegic. Seven years later he’s married, has a toddler and a thriving business. He was truly inspirational and I felt honoured to be able to share his story.

quotey 2

Then there’s my weekly quota of advertorial features, yawn! If you’ve never had the pleasure of writing one you’ve likely read a few in your time.

Basically when someone buys a certain sized advert in the newspaper they get ‘added value’ in the form of a free editorial, eg a blurb about their business or service. I’m the sucker that gets to write them.

It can be tricky because so many biz owners think they can write and don’t want you to change their 50 word intro but I generally talk them around to my way of thinking.

One week I had 25 to do, last week I had 12 and this week I’ll probably get about 18 to 20. I’m busier in the lead up to events such as Easter, Christmas etc when people spend more money on advertising.

I think that’s about it. For my blog I have to write about my detox and in July I have a sponsored post. I haven’t sent letters to brands about sponsored posts yet because as you can see I don’t actually have heaps of spare time.

And if I am going to write about a product or service I expect to be paid fairly well and we all know that lots of brands/PR think us bloggers should push products and services for peanuts.

Oh wait I also wrote a press release last week, eg spinning shit to make a product or service sound fabulous and not really caring whether it is or not. This goes against the journo in me but it pays well and I can do it with my eyes closed.

(Have I bored you yet? Shall I keep writing about writing?)

How does my writing differ from other in its genre?

I don’t have a genre in regards to my paid writing because basically I’ve written in all sorts of styles and publications.

When I was a journo I did pretty everything including; real estate, cars guide, first-person pieces, court reporting (now this is an eye opener) council reporting (boring) police rounds (interesting but also sad) general news and I’ve even covered a few sporting events (which I really hate).

My blog falls into the personal and parenting genre and I’m not the best person to ask how my writing differs from my fellow bloggers, my readers are.

But I suspect some would say that I’m off-beat, honest, silly, have no shame, take too many photos of sunsets, a try hard, sometimes funny, a bit random and VERY MESSY!

This may or may not be my microwave

This may or may not be my microwave underneath this pile of stuff.

Why do I write?

So I can afford to drink, just kidding.

It’s probably the only thing that I’m actually really good at and it comes surprisingly easy to me.

I tried being a waitress but I got fat because I couldn’t say no to the chef’s daily special. I worked in retail at uni and you couldn’t pay me enough to be nice to wankers!

I’m also not model material because I don’t like the taste of tissues, and I could never be an Olympic athlete because my boobs are too big.

Seriously how many big chested women are top notch sports stars? And I’m not talking your small DD’s I’m talking BIG whoopers such as F and H cups.

In regards to my blog I write to entertain and amuse people with my honest take on life.

women-with-big-boobs-running

How does my writing process work?

I’m not a planner and I don’t have a blogging schedule. In fact of the 355 posts I’ve published I’d say only 20 have been scheduled, the rest I write the day they are posted or the night before if I’m really organised!

But I don’t suggest this – it’s quite stressful if you’re not used to working/writing under pressure. Thankfully I am.

My paid work ALWAYS takes priority because it has to.

Like right now I have a 700-word feature due tomorrow (Tues) and so this is how my writing process looks for this:

 

* crickets chirping

 

Did you see it? No? That’s because I don’t have a writing process, I just write. And this is why I’ll probably never write a book because you have to be VERY organised and disciplined to do so.

Although a psychic in New York did tell a 20-year-old that me that I would write a book one day – I hope she’s right!

Oh and here is where all my genius happens folks. I gave up my office for one of my children and now my work space is in the lounge/kitchen/dining area.

work space

I hope that wasn’t too painful to read through.

So I’m asking three other bloggers to take part in the Why I Write Blog Hop – well I’ve only got confirmation from two that they can actually take part so I hope the other lovely lady gets the memo and says yes.

You see I forgot to ask these bloggers in advance – cos that’s how I roll – like a TRAIN WRECK!

Please put your hands together for this terrific trio:

Aroha from Colours of Sunset

photo

So I’m a working mum, wife and because life isn’t busy enough I’m also studying at university! I love the great outdoors, exercising, golf, tennis and socialising with my friends. My blog is a mixed bag of my life, infertility, politics and garbage. Oh and sometimes I drink too much on school nights!

Claire from Clairey Hewitt

Hello! (1)

Lisa from Mrs BC’s House of Chaos

Bio Collage

This blog is my place to seek happiness in the chaos – the chaos of never ending home renovations, family adventures with monkey children and an accident prone husband. The happiness part is the silver lining of belly laughs, and heart warming, mind boggling, fun. I know it’s there somewhere!

 

Did you learn anything new about me in this VERY VERY long and probably boring post?

Is your desk as messy as mine?

And have your big boobs stopped you from becoming an elite athlete?

 

Iโ€™m inspired to blog on Tuesday by Jess over at Essentially Jess for IBOT

Comments

  1. Great post lovely lady! You are incredible being able to churn through all of your work plus blog. When I read Kirsten’s original post I almost spat my coffee out when I saw her pristine work space, it’s everything I wish for! I gave up my study to turn it into a play room for the boys, now I can just shove all of the toys in there, close the door and feel like the house if organised!

    I’m with you re: big chested women athletes. Mine are currently in a state of transition since weaning, (a modest C, possibly going to end up a B) but thanks to having the life sucked out of them I refuse to run/do anything too physical unless I’m wearing a heavy duty sports bra!

  2. Great post, and I love the polar bear joke!

  3. merilyn says:

    no wonder I relate to you hun! that is how I work … messy! … (microwave not like that tho!)
    spontaneity, serendipity and synchronicity!
    work the best with creativity
    for me and thee… obviously!
    total chaos rules me!
    no plan and that’s the secret really!
    you’ve had some good gigs … and there is definitely a book in you!
    I love me and exclamation mark too! … and pauses … lol m:)X

  4. >And have your big boobs stopped you from becoming an elite athlete?

    Yes. But I consider carrying them around from day-to-day a form of weightlifting.

  5. Oh the things I agree to after 4 (or 5?) vodkas!! Do I have a deadline for this? Can I do it after exams next week? x

  6. Love how you think, Em. Alongside there be many different styles of writing, there’s also different disciplines. Just gotta do what works for you. And OMG – how busy are you???!!! I am in awe!
    P.S I have big boobs. I just double up my sports bras when running ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Oh my goodness, I can’t write under pressure… I’m feeling a crushing weight in my chest at the thought of what you churn out in a week! (And no, it’s not my big boobs – flat chested as they come. In fact when I was told I had breast cancer the first thing I said was “Really? Are you sure because I’m like the most flat chested person I know so I couldn’t possibly have breast cancer? ” The Doc did manage half a smile… gotta laugh hey! Oh, and I still can’t run fast either so no wall of triumph for me at home!) Your post has kept me smiling for the last half hour so, no… definitely not boring.

  8. Oh I really liked reading more about you here! I didn’t realise you had to juggle so much paid work with blogging.. and the family of 3 small ones. Goodness, you’re truly amazing! xox

    P.S. i’ve got my tickets booked for Sep!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

  9. LOVED reading this Emily! You are one busy writer!! I cracked up when I saw the photos of our work spaces at the end. I’m not really that organised all the time. I mean, if you look closely, the pin board in the middle is a complete mess ๐Ÿ˜‰

  10. I really enjoyed reading this post… how do you get everything done in a week and still be a mum to three kids? You’re awesome. I don’t schedule my blog posts either… depends on what comes into my inbox and what inspires me to write that week. But I’ve taken a much more relaxed approach to my blogging lately while I enter the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Oh and I’d happily buy your book when you get time to write it…. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Yep, it was my boobs that were the ONLY thing that stopped me becoming a ballerina! haha.

  12. I loved this post! I have wanted to write forever but I’ve only just started and realise now there’s so much to learn.

    I especially liked the bit about the business owners and their 50 word intro. Nothing grates me more (actually plenty of things do) than long sentences.

  13. You know, now you mention it, the advent of my boobs and the decline of my sporting career actually coincide. My enormous norks might be the reason I am not an olympian (that and a distinct lack of talent!)

    I love your writing process and I feel very lucky that I rarely write to deadlines. I don’t know how you do it with the kids around interrupting for a banana or a drink of water or some new colouring paper every five freaking minutes! Amazeballs!

  14. You are a writing machine Em – and I’ve read your feature on the former motorcycle champion – really nice. I am going to be organising a video component with him. Keep it up!

  15. Wow! I’m amazed at the amount of writing work you do!!

  16. You clever lady. I know by reading your blog that you good at a lot more that just writing. I wish I was a talented writer ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. A great read Emily…lovely to see what you get up to with your writing! ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. Great post. Your ‘real’ness (is that even a word??) appeals. Keeping churning them out. Whatever you are doing is working ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I really enjoyed reading all about your writing Emily. I think we had similar starts to our careers. I used to do the council and police rounds for the local newspaper too – a job I did not relish! I’m amazed at the amount you manage to pack in and have no doubt you will write that book!

  20. Love your work hun! And so glad not everyone has a workspace as tidy as Kirsten!

  21. Great post Kirsten . You are one talented lady. My writing, if you can call it so is words….yours is a story.
    All the best and who knows you might get the time down the track for that book ๐Ÿ™‚
    Alexa from Sydney
    http://www.Alexa-asimplelife.com

  22. A book would be funny reading! I am amazed at how much work you pick up, I guess you just do what you get and make a living! I am amazed you still have any creative thoughts left for your blog!

  23. I’ve done a few paid posts for others (and used to ghost blog). I’m not a fan of having to do sponsored posts in my own blog and would much prefer to just write for myself in MY blog and write for others on their sites etc.

    It sounds like you have a good balance. I can see heaps of opportunities locally (for my – dubious – online writing skills) but am (very) a bit reticent to put myself forward suggesting I’m the best person for the job!

    • Oh and yes, my boobs are too big (now) to become an elite athleteโ€ฆ but the fact I’m about 50kg overweight could also be a problem! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  24. I’m surprised and impressed you have time for blogging.

  25. Well I knew you were talented but I didn’t realise you were quite that versatile. And YES my desk is as messy as yours. It’s a sign of creative genius, right?

  26. As a big whopper F cup I am super pleased to be excused from Olympic ambition, thank you:) I, too, will never be an elite athlete!

  27. Haha you crack me up….my workspace is currently the dining room table or in bed on my Ipad, so I can’t keep it messy……. yep although my boobs aren’t ultra big, I still won’t be an elite athlete……that ship has sailed…

  28. I just learned bucket loads about you!
    Microwave piles of stuff about you …
    Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit

  29. I don’t even have a desk so you’re winning there!!
    I am amazed at how much you can do in such a short space of time, but now I get it a little bit more. It’s not all creative as such, and if you’re working to a kind of formula, the rhythm would help. I still think you’re amazing ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. You never fail to be brilliant Em and never ever fail to make me smile – that is the power of your honesty and your words. There will be a book one day – there just has to be – too much awesome writing goodness going on here not to become a book xx

    PS I’m collecting all these posts in my original Why I Write Blog Hop post – if you want to add yours too? http://www.alwaysjosefa.com/pieces-of-me/welcome-relief-write/

  31. Far out I don’t think I could work at your desk. But then again, mine is far from a clear workspace.

    I also write far less than you do!

    Thanks for including me though, I will get on to it.

  32. I think my boobs would sue me if I tried to claim they were the only reason for me not becoming an elite athlete! I found this fascinating and I can’t wait to see what the other blog hoppers say. My ‘day job’ is similar to yours, but you MUST be organised on some level cos I just totally run out of time to blog some weeks. Or, to be honest, I get sick of writing and feel I have nothing original to say after all those advertorials and ghost blogs for other people. I have just put two kids into bunks and thus reclaimed a study (huzzah!) so my desk is looking better than it has for awhile ๐Ÿ™‚

  33. At least you have a desk, I have a dinner table ๐Ÿ™‚ I absolutely loved learning more about what you write and how you fill your time. I was in awe of how you cranked out post after post in May. Do you sleep at all? You really are very talented, plus you always have me in stitches.
    Ps. Your 50 word intro comment brought back memories. I once had a news story come back to me in Journalism 101 with 60 word shocker written over the intro in red. Ooops.

  34. Haha, it’s much more than my big boobs that stop me from being an elite athlete, but that excuse will do ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Em, i don’t know how you possibly do all you do!!! Switching from one subject to another must take a lot of concentration! xx

  35. You make me laugh out loud. The picture of your microwave made me laugh so hard my husband just asked me from the kitchen “what’s so funny.” You must have to open and shut the door pretty carefully otherwise you’ll cause an avalanche there!!!
    in all seriousness, I can’t believe how much writing you fit into your week, plus run household and children. I’m amazed and awed!
    xx

  36. Your post was not boring and I did learn new things about you!
    My desk is as messy as yours Em!
    Even if I have small boobs, I’m not an elite athlete!
    Congrats on your new gig!

  37. You’re just plain brilliant, Emily! And I love you even more for finally giving me the reason why I am such a shit runner – BOOBS!

  38. I am so envious of your writing so freely (not in a snarky way!). I have always loved writing & used to just be able to pour it all out there, but these days it is like I severe brain constipation & it can be almost painful trying to find the words! (Hello, to that imagery!) ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Also, love the workspace – I am either on the laptop at the dining table, surrounded by the latest art work from kinder, food scraps & a random selection of carelessly strewn clothes / toys / shoes. If I am naughty, I can sneak in the occasional tid bits (like this …ahem) from my much more organised work desk, but don’t tell anyone ok!

    It is so impressive that you can juggle all that working from home & kidlets stuff – you really are amazing! xx

  39. Love that you are another person who has no process when it comes to writing. People ask me that question and I just have a blank look on my face. About the only ‘process’ I have is writing ideas in the notes section of my phone in the middle of the night..then I promptly forget what the hell it was about the next morning!

  40. Lady I don’t know how you do it. You are writing champion. So so many projects on the GO!

    I like the sound of the new website thingy.. the mysterious one. Yay!

  41. I love that you became a writer because you have big boobs. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s really interesting to hear about what you do for your paid work. The writing industry is a deep mine of jobs I know nothing about!

  42. I would say playing softball two months after birth, with milk laden, big boobs was an olympic effort on my part. I never played a season after that lol.
    Maybe the pshycic was spot on and was envisioning your blog, hmmm.
    All that writing pressure has given me a headache. You are fantastic at what you do xx

  43. “It can be tricky because so many biz owners think they can write and donโ€™t want you to change their 50 word intro but I generally talk them around to my way of thinking.” I HEAR YOU! Everyone – EVERYONE – thinks they can write. If a lawyer said something was not legal, if a mechanic said something was clunking in the engine, if a builder said you can’t remove the weight-bearing beam, everyone would nod. A writer says they can write an intro better and it’s all HEY, HANG ON! NO! Aaaaaargh.

    You may have touched a nerve there…

  44. Yes. My boobs are absolutely the reason why I am not an elite athlete (she says as she shoves another chocolate in her mouth and forages for more…)

  45. you are a real proper grown up writer ๐Ÿ˜‰ Actually I am in awe of you the way you can write about so many different things… I struggle getting my own thoughts out at the best of times let alone doing justice to someone elses brand. Yet another talent you have lovely – you never stop amazing me… or making me laugh! xx

  46. You have a wonderful sense of humor and what you say is so true for all of us! Life sort of does it’s own thing! Thanks for the great post and the smiles it caused!

  47. I’d say you differ because you’re one of the funniest, most warm writers around, Em. x

  48. I had no idea you did so much other writing, although I imagine that blog writing is a big relief and a bit of fun compared to all of the other stuff that you write. I really like that you put so much fun into your blogging and really do give us quite a laugh. Thanks for sharing.

Trackbacks

  1. […] hop thing I’m doing.” “Okay, sure!” I said, after 5 vodkas. Then I read her “Why I Write” post and realised what I’d signed myself up for! The things we do for besties, especially after […]

  2. […] As this blog hop has been going on for a while, I thought I ‘d share some of the blogs that are inspiring to me! I’m sure you know Emilyย andย Lauren! […]

  3. […] this before I would have shrugged, I don’t know, because I like it? The very funny Emily from Have A Laugh On Me has invited me to join in a writing blog hop, so I guess I’d better put some more thought […]

Speak Your Mind

*