Five outrageous things that I would do to escape the witching hour hell that plagues my house

The screaming and yelling of our three children at witching hour makes neighbouring dogs bark, I shit you not.

It’s their high-pitched whinging that gets under my skin, it sometimes annoys the Husband, but it ALWAYS freaks out the dogs!

I could close the windows and doors to shield them from the noise, but I fear I might spontaneously combust from sheer frustration without proper ventilation.

Here’s five jobs I’d much rather do than put up with the witching hour screaming, crying, fighting and whining.

1. HAWKER

You know that person in the middle of a shopping centre who tries to lock eyes with you from 10 metres away so they can lure you in and sell you a child or something.

I’m not sure I stand a chance though, because most of the time the stalls are manned by ridiculously good-looking foreigners with accents that can hypnotise you in to buying a pool cleaner for a pool you don’t even have.

See what I mean - who would say to this hunk of spunk - not me in fact most of you know I bowled up to him and got my pic taken with him.

See what I mean – who would say no this hunk of spunk? Not me! In fact most of you know that I bowled up to him and got my photo taken with him.

2. LAUNDROMAT WORKER

Yep I’d much rather put my hand in a washing machine full of someone’s yukky undie/sock/bra filth than cop a kick from a two-year-old because I refused to give him food just before dinner time.

3. TELEMARKETING

Nah just pulling your boobies – ain’t nobody got time for that! Give me screaming kids over having to be nice to fugwits on the phone all day and all night – hats off to those who have ever done telemarketing.

4. PARKING INSPECTOR

Hand me a flak jacket, some six-inch pumps in case I need to kick some butt and I’ll gladly be one of the most hated professions in a heartbeat if it means I can avoid cooking and cleaning up for three children who would prefer to pick their nose/sing/throw messy utensils on ground EVERY dinner time than eat a meal I hated cooking in the first place.

Thanks www.irkitated.com

Thanks www.irkitated.com

5. SPEAK TO STRANGERS

I would much rather walk the street with a photographer and do back-to-back *Vox Pops than spend another 30 minutes trying to get my kids to eat JUST TWO MORE SPOONFULS.

* VOX POP – what rookie journalists are made to do, they must walk up to random people in the street and ask if they mind having their photo taken, name in the paper and a quote about a certain subject. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET PEOPLE TO AGREE TO THIS???

This, my friends, is a Vox Pop. Image source

This, my friends, is the despised Vox Pop. Image source

Seriously though, I suppose I could potentially trade my current situation and get a job out of the house.

But do I really want to? HELL NO!

While the mental angst that stay at home mums and dads feel is HORRIFIC – we are also very stupid privileged because we have the best of both worlds.

In saying that, trying to smash out 30 hours of work in 12 hours isn’t a picnic – but I’m sure that doing 30 of hours work out of home takes at least 12 hours of preparation to manage.

Is there a happy medium?

No, there isn’t – it’s just a matter of making the most out of the situation you are in. and drinking lots of plonk and stuffing your face with chocolate

What job would you do instead of having to put up with your screaming/fighting children/child/husband?
Have you ever had to do a Vox Pop? Or said yes to a poor journo who asked you?

Of course I link with Jess @ Essentially Jess for IBOT

Comments

  1. Thanks for the 10am laugh, many millions of people can relate to this feeling the world over lol

  2. You forgot plumber. Backed up toilets don’t give you lip.

  3. It’s hard to see that we have the best of both worlds isn’t it when you have screaming and whinging kids. I used to do telemarketing way back and I wouldn’t go back to those days. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  4. Haha, love it! I’d take telemarketing – you read from a script, and just don’t get offended when people hang up on you or shout. They’re yelling at the phone, not you personally.

    And what’s wrong with Hawkers?! HAHA… okay, lame joke that only works if you know my surname 😉

    x

  5. So true.. Without fail witching hour kicks off at 5pm in our house & when we’ve been down in Victoria they even adjusted themselves to daylight savings!! Not sure what job I’d prefer to do, anything would be better really!!

  6. I have been asked, and I have declined!
    I was a market researcher (telephone) – worst job ever. I would maybe do that on some days if it meant I could walk away from the constant niggling…

  7. Oh Emily, you make me squirm at the thought of parenting hahaha I’m not there yet…. but I have done telemarketing for a short stint many moons ago and it was absolutely horrid. Waitressing also sits up there for me as horrid, especially as it was at a posh restaurant full of pompous gits!!!!!
    Hawkers at my local do NOT match Mr handsom up there hahaha xx

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      I admit I don’t paint a very pleasant picture but better to expect the worst and get the best right?? Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  8. Here here! I despise the witching hour! I volunteer to write a newsletter for a local organisation and even though I dont have to walk the streets to get my content, it’s a horrible job to constantly try and find willing people to write an article. I know the feeling. Also, “just two more spoonfuls!!!” – I know that feeling too… best (and worst) of both worlds! Great post Em. xx

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Go you for doing the local rag. I’m surprised the Rotary, Lions and other groups don’t leap at the chance to be in paper! xx

  9. Hahaha, Some days I would rather run away with a circus than deal with 5-7pm! Instead I drink wine!

  10. Actually I think I would rather put up with my kids screaming that they are hungry 5 minutes before dinner is served and refusing to wait the five minutes than be a telemarketer.

  11. I do a weekly “Vox Pop” thing with my WW Joys of Parenting series and yes, I feel your “pain” in doing it! So hard to just walk up and talk to complete strangers, but that sense of accomplishment when they open up and say “yes!” is just amazing 🙂

    Ai @ <a href="http://www.sakuraharuka.com/&quot; Sakura Haruka

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Yes do you too Ai, a brave soul you are. It’s hard when you get lots of no’s though isn’t it 🙂

  12. Oh, I’ve pondered this for a while now and think you may be a bit harsh dismissing the telemarketing gig so readily. There are witching hours here where I would *gladly* leap into a cubicle with headphones and attempt to sell someone a bit of shitty cladding. Other than that, kamikaze pilot is a career move I consider on occasion xx

  13. Some nights are far worse then others. I have to try and remember to give them a snack after school otherwise by the time they realise they are hungry it is too close to dinner and then the whining really starts. It’s not easy but I just ignore them. #teamIBOT 😉

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      My 2-year-old won’t let you ignore him, he’ll just scream until he gets want he wants or is put in his room! The older kids are easy, just the toddlers really.

  14. I used to try the old ‘Santa won’t come if you’re not good and eat your dinner’ shtick at this time of year but now my boys are too old to fall for it. They just say “Oh, you said that last year and he still came!” On the positive side the ‘witching hour’ does get a bit easier as they get older. They now just fight over computer and Play Station time and as soon as I threaten to take it away from them if they don’t co-operate and stick to set times, calm is restored very swiftly.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Those boys have got you sorted Ness – cheeky things. But it is nice to still have some bargaining power – thanks for visit x

  15. Entertaining as always, mmm all those jobs make me uncomfortable in my shell. Putting the kids to bed is easier with a glass of wine, Hah ha !! I hear you though I get a knot in my stomach at between 5-7 eat your dinner, brush your teeth………… you begin to hate the sound of your own voice. x

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Yes it so is much easier to have a glass of wine at bedtime – and I really do hate the sound of my voice, If I never heard it again it would be too soon 😉 x

  16. LOL – I think I’ll keep my 21yo and the current job that I have !!!!
    Just now they will be grown and out the house and you will be a lady of leisure with your feet up, the TV on, drinking and eating to your hears content !!!
    Have the best day that you can in the circumstances !
    Me

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      You know me L, my moan is worse than what I actually think of my charmed life. Have a happy week xx

  17. LMAO and how come i have not seen those hot firefighters in any shopping centre I have been in this year – where are they hiding – yummy

  18. I have said yes to a vox pop, so yay me!
    Please don’t hate me, but we rarely have witching hour here, and if we did, I would miss it most nights on account of selling people grog, which is easy but not terribly rewarding. Still better than screaming kids, but you can’t drink whilst your working, so there is a trade off 😉
    We’re looking for new employees at the moment actually. Wanna join me?

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      YAY for you alright for making a journo’s life easier! And double yay for missing witching hour, JEALOUS! Good idea to sell grog instead of drinking it, perhaps I SHOULD come work with you 🙂

  19. Oh MAAAAN, Em, you must really be in a state if you’re prepared to do 4 & 5. I’d rather do dog poo patrol than deal with bedtime routine (and getting kicked before the shower or endure floor-rolling tanties instead of toothbrushing). Dog poo. Any night of the week, unless it’s raining.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Right that’s it, we’re getting a dog and I’m going to do the night duties and give her a BIG WALK 😉

  20. I love that every time I click here, I am guaranteed to brighten up my day! Bedtime is becoming “ok” at our place….ready….I even like it sometimes! But there were many, many a night where I just gave in – sleep in whatever you want, where you want, bath or not bath, I didn’t care – just sleep!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      After reading your comment last night, when the kids didn’t eat, I didn’t care, I just let it slide. And thanks for the reminder to let things go sometimes xxxx

  21. I’ve answered the vox Pop because I always feel sorry for the poor journalist. I would rather be anywhere than at home at witching hour. Today I’ve got a spewy girl and I may have wished out loud for tropical islands and cocktails but honestly its nice that I can actually be the one that stays home and gets the cuddles and hopefully able to duck the spew.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Bless your cotton socks for saying yes to journo!! Oh hun I hope she is much better now – nothing worse than spew when it’s not from a baby and just milk, chunks – ICK xx

  22. You know the witching hour isnt too bad here yet, what i struggle with are the stupid mornings and when they wake up in a bad mood. Like today. I would do anything to avoid that!

    And I gave had to try and get people to do Vox-Pops numerous times in a former life and it was only one step above dealing with whinging kids but still quite a few above door-to-door selling. I would take a year of whinging kids over one day of door-to-door selling again!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      You spoke too soon – and sadly the witching hour fairy will probably start to visit you in a few years to punish you 😉

  23. Hahaha you always make me laugh! As a teenager I had a job at a childcare centre where it was my job to soak the dirty cloth nappies, give them a clean, put them in the washing machine and then somehow dispose of the poop left in the bucket!! Might be ok with your own kids, but not fun with children you don’t really know!!!!!

  24. I’d do anything to escape a tantrum-ing child. Wash toilets, clean up vomit, do tequila shots…

    And I have never been asked to do a vox pop. I would say yes for sure, although I would probably say something stupid to go with my name and photo.

  25. When Paul stays here I hand the reins over to him. I’ve said yes to a poor journo and my Granny still has the photo from the paper pinned to her notice board in her kitchen.

  26. Grave digger.
    There are some afternoons I just want to bury myself! x

  27. I’ve had to do a few vox pops – in fact that’s what i was doing today … i don’t mind them though but witching hour ugh – i walked a friends kids home from school yesterday. the three of us (me and two little ones) giggled and i thought hmm im really enjoying this – then i realised it was because they weren’t my kids – they were on their best behaviour – they were chirpy, obedient, humouress. On the other hand, despite mine being 8 years old, i would have copped whingeing all the way home for having to walk, whatever i was going to cook for dinner, for not letting her watch tv on a school night and on and on and on it would go … hmm where are those vox pops, i think i’ll go and do a few more 🙂 or just keep borrowing others’ kids to help me realise that child rearing aint that bad.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Yes other kids are always such a pleasure to be around, but then again it’s because it’s all care and no responsibility. I haven’t had to do vox pops for years – PHEW, they are okay if it’s not a tricky subject me thinks 🙂

  28. Oh Em, I’ve done both telemarketing AND stopping people in shopping centres!! I know the witching hour is bad, but both of those jobs were revolting!!!
    The things we do 🙂 xx

  29. You crack me up! Your house sounds like mine, especially with the whinging children and kids wigging out because you refuse their snacks just before dinner. Our neighbour even commented on the screaming on the weekend. Joy. I have done many a vox pop in my time as a student journalist. Not fun at all!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      I’m sure our neighbours have considering calling child services, but it’s really out of our control, the witching hour is very real in our house xx

  30. Gotta love witching hour! Reading everyone’s comments makes me feel a lot better about how my night went last night, we are not alone! I’m one of those annoying people who doesn’t want to be quoted or photographed for a vox pop 🙂

  31. i’d have to say hawker or telemarketer ! Though if there really was a choice , I’d just take on the wingeing child! I am the adult after all right!

  32. I am the rookie journos dream I never say no to people like that I always feel bad…..I would rather be the person who picks up animal poop at the zoo then be with my nieces and nephews when it’s time for their friends to go home….horrendous….I’m still childless and therefore in denial that my kids will probably be the same.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      You are a sweet soul and want to help those journos so bless your cotton socks. Best way to be deny, deny, deny xx

  33. Oh gosh, I don’t think I would choose any of those jobs over the one I have, but I totally hear your frustration! Here I am at the computer at 4.30am because it’s the only quiet time available for me to squeeze in some of my ‘part time’ time job, but it’s still better than having to go to an office every day. Ah, work/life balance – nice in theory!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      I should get up that early also but then my boys join me about 5am so really don’t get any peace. And yes I suppose deciding to be a traffic inspector is quite a dramatic decision over witching hour duties 😉

  34. Hey Em – You are very funny, but I hear your desperation through your humour. Witching hour does happen for us, but it is broken by dance for Miss Yin and different routines with hubby’s work and mine. So that’ my suggestion – break the routine – go for a walk with the kids, have dinner outside or later, anything to break the monotony of witching hour.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Oh I do like the dinner outside suggestion and walk – thanks for the positive suggestions lovely 🙂

  35. Ha ha! The dogs go crazy!?!? That cracks me lady.

    I do hate whingey kids. Oh Gawd, do I hate the whinging. I would rather fill out 100 forms, go running, trim rose bushes, polish boots……

    I have not had any vox pop fame. I live in waiting!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      That is a good one, trim rose bushes, I remember mum doing that – OUCH!
      I hope you become a vox pop star very soon 🙂 xx

  36. I would do a Vox thingy, but no-one has ever asked me.

    Today I would rather be anything than a mum. Today sucks shit.

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      Oh hun, thinking of you and hoping that you are kind to yourself and just take every hour at a time xxx

  37. I dont know that there is anything more horrid than witching hour. I think I would take ANY job over that.

  38. Can I confess that I have run away from witching hour tonight. I’ve worked hard and am paying a babysitter to do the whole shebang… it’s hard doing four kids on my own for a month at a time, even though they are older and I’m allegedly older and wiser too… I DO love a break… and am prepared to do almost anything to get some time off… blogging for food is part of it!

    • Have A Laugh On Me says:

      You so need and deserve to escape witching hour! I’m so glad I get two child-free days a week and while I have to smash 25 hours of writing into 16 it’s nice to have a break. Enjoy night out lovely xx

  39. I had to do a Vox Pop when I did my journalism studies… Yeurk! It was so hard… No one wanted to talk to me!

  40. I only have one 3 year old to deal with and witching hour is shiteful. I cannot imagine how I’d cope with three! Big props to you 🙂

  41. Love it! Reckon I’d take telemarketing…and just pretend to be on the phone but actually just sit. In peace. Did a bunch of vox pops in uni, it sucked! No one wants to participate, especially when you’re a grotty little uni student. Ah the days…

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